One Midwestern Life

Blogging

2007-03-26T18:24:00.001-07:00

Please update your bookmarks to www.patsyterrell.com/blog.htm for my blog. I post almost daily.

I have been posting to multiple blogs for awhile, including this one. However, with the new blogger, multi-blog will not work and the only thing I can find as a backup is qumana and it is not designed well for this. Supposedly that's what it does, but it doesn't do it quickly or easily. It's one of those cases where they've created something *so* user-friendly that it doesn't do it's job well.

So, I'll be posting to www.patsyterrell.com/blog.htm, but will not continue posting here except on rare occasions. So, please update to www.patsyterrell.com/blog.htm.

Home

2007-03-25T22:25:00.001-07:00

I have returned home from the weekend at Susan's. (photos and more at www.patsyterrell.com/blog.htm) It was lovely and I got to see my online turned real life friend, Cynthia. We met in real life a year ago when we went to the same tea we went to today.

Tea was lovely, and Susan, Teresa and I were a great trio all weekend. We bonded well.

Susan's friend, Kathleen, wasn't feeling well, so didn't get to enjoy tea, which was a real pity.

We also took time today to drive to Seneca and go to a beautiful Catholic church near there. Pictures will follow soon, but Teresa and I talked until 3 a.m. and then got up before 8, two nights in a row, so it's time for me to get some sleep.

Creative Sisterhood and More

2007-03-23T00:33:00.001-07:00

Last night was Creative Sisterhood and it was a really good night. Julie didn't come but did stop by afterwards.

Her daughter and two granddaughters were in a car accident the day before and she was helping out. Fortunately, everyone is OK although her daughter hurt her neck and back. Hopefully it's not a long term problem. The cause of the accident? The other driver was text messaging while driving and ran a stop sign.

We didn't know that when we were having Creative Sisterhood, of course.

It was a really good night. My topic was the cookbook donation, which is a big deal for me. It's odd to be giving away something that has been a huge part of my life for so long. I've always thought about what to do with them when I die, but I'm a long way from dying. But, it's still time to send them to a new home. I need to make room in my life for new things.

In the spirit of such things, I made a new cake last night from a recipe I got out of one of the cookbooks I'm giving away. It's an orange cake. I made seven minute frosting to go on it and it was a big hit. I made five thin cake layers instead of three thick ones - more frosting opportunity that way.

I also got out a variety of cups and saucers. Generally we use mugs, and they do have the virtue of keeping the tea hotter, but it's nice to use china sometimes, too.

Almost everyone knew about the cookbooks because they read it here. Frankly, sometimes I think this blog is part of the reason I sometimes feel distanced from people in my real life - they don't talk to me, they just read the blog. It's flattering and yet troubling at the same time.

I sometimes discover that someone I never would have guessed from my past is reading along, but never emails or phones or mentions it. It's odd. I guess they want to remain incognito, maybe thinking I would be negative toward them. In reality, I have no ill will toward anyone in my past - old friends, lovers, coworkers, bosses, etc. - I would welcome contact from any of them.

I have chosen to live with nothing but positive feelings toward everyone I've crossed paths with. Admittedly, that takes some effort sometimes if you feel someone has really harmed you physically or emotionally. And it always takes a while to move past the hurt when it has been a serious love relationship, but it happens with time. Blissfully, I'm at that place now - a peaceful place - where there's no more hurt to move past with anyone.

I'm often criticized that people can't just "choose" such feelings and I expect too much of people - I heard that just today as a matter of fact. In reality, I'm just talking about my own life, not anyone else's. I have made a choice - and it is a choice - to be positive toward everyone I've had any connection with in this life, even if it was a seemingly negative experience or ending. I'm a pragmatist. There is no benefit to harboring ill feelings toward anyone. The only person who will suffer will be me. So, I choose not to do that. Others can do as they wish, but that is my choice.

One of my life lessons has been the realization that we all do what we gotta do to get by out in the big, bad, world. People are hurt, wounded, insecure, worried, troubled, fill in the negative adjective of your choice. We all make decisions we think weren't the wisest in retrospect, but are the only options we see at the time. We all do things we wouldn't want our best friend to know about. We all make mistakes - sometimes very big mistakes - most of us are just lucky enough to not suffer horrendously for them. We all stumble around, doing the best we can with what's before us, and I've learned that you often don't know what is before other people.

As I am fond of saying, "if you weren't there, you don't know what really happened." You don't know the pressures, the implications or the demands that are made behind closed office doors or bedroom doors or even front doors. Whenever you hear someone's recounting of a situation, it's edited - if only by omission of some facts - sometimes a lot of facts. I've been the victim of such things and I've been the perpetrator of such things - so there you go. No one is perfect. Everyone is doing the best they can do at the time.

One of my life lessons has been to let it go, let it be and let it lie.

How to Decaffeniate Tea Yourself - Easily

2007-03-22T18:52:00.003-07:00

I cannot have caffeine, so have learned to decaf tea on my own. Whenever I mention this, people are curious about how to do it. So, I thought I'd share. It's quite easy.

Just brew your tea as normal, but leave it in only 30 seconds. Pour off that water, then pour hot water over your tea and brew as normal. Almost all the caffeine is now down the drain with the first brew that you've thrown out. It's as decaf as the commercially available "decaf" tea.

Bear in mind that you are getting minute amounts of caffeine even in what is labeled "decaf" in the store, and the same is true for what you decaf at home.

In a restaurant you can always ask for another cup and just brew the caffeine away in one cup then but the tea into a fresh cup to brew what you're going to drink. Of course, in tea places they will know, and in some places - like the tea house at the Portland Chinese Garden - they will do it for you. But, if you want to be sure you can always do it yourself.

How to Decaffeniate Tea Yourself - Easily

2007-03-22T18:52:00.001-07:00

2007-03-20T21:40:00.001-07:00

This weekend I get to go to tea again, and I'm looking so forward to it. If you've read here for awhile you may remember my post from this time last year with the photos from the tea I went to. It's that tea that I'm going to this weekend.

Teresa is going this year, too. Susan has invited us to stay with her at her farm and Cynthia will be joining us for tea. It will be so good to see her again.

I am a huge fan of having tea. It's one of the few times people actually sit, have conversation, and just relax. Rarely a day goes by that I don't have some tea, even if it's just me. I love to use a real teapot and a nice china cup, although I do have some favorite mugs, too. (Scroll down a few entries to see my latest teacup find.)

There is a silent auction and table viewing an hour before tea started. Last year the tables were extraordinary. They're done by different people locally, each with its own theme. Businesses sponsored them and there was a wide variety of designs. I'm sure this year is going to be really neat once again. Here are some pix from last year.

2007-03-19T22:56:00.001-07:00

I've had one of those "in constant motion" days but have accomplished a long list of things. I even have everything ready for my board meeting tomorrow. I had to work into the evening to make that happen, but it was worth it. I am going to give myself the luxury of not getting up in the morning until I just wake up. Of course, I will probably wake up early, as I usually do, but I love the idea of it nonetheless.

I was reading the other day that in the near future experts say that we will all work in a way that allows us to seamlessly blend our home and work lives together. I've always wanted to do that and in the last five years I've been able to. I get so much more done for both places than when I have this time for work and this time for personal, etc. My brain just doesn't work effectively that way.

Apparently, neither does anyone else's brain. For those who do jobs they don't have to think about away from work, it's fine to set aside a certain eight hour period for work. But for those of us who need to spend a lot of time creating our jobs, we need the flexibility to blend home and work together.

I'm not sure why it is such a big deal for some companies. Of course, some of the most successful companies have been doing this for years. In the future, those who don't will probably be gone, so it won't be an issue. Naturally, some jobs will never lend themselves to that. Someone has to be on the air at radio stations all the time. Stores have to be open so people know when they can go. We want emergency rooms to be staffed 'round the clock. But for many jobs, it doesn't matter when the tasks get accomplished, as long as they happen on time.

I am starting to feel as though my house is really coming together. Last night I cleaned off the shelf in the kitchen, adding this bottle I found in a box of things from my mom's house. I have no idea what it once held. It's an Anchor Hocking jar and it had a dried cork in the top. I thought it would be perfect for holding a daffodil.

I've started collecting these little vases with the delicate flowers in the last couple of years. I really must find another one because I like odd numbers of things. I love to put a tiny flower in each one. I don't have much blooming yet, but some grape hyacinths, regular hyacinths, pinks and daffodils, along with some greenery, were enough to give a bright spot in the kitchen.

I love having fresh flowers in the house - even if it's just one stem. I keep trying to grow enough flowers that I can have continual big bunches inside but I'm not sure how many that takes. I don't have anywhere near enough for it yet, though.

Last fall I planted a ton of lily of the valley. It's too early for them yet but I'm so hoping they come up this year. Lily of the Valley is one of my most favorite flowers. One year we were in Paris on May 1 where it's customary to give Lily of the Valley to friends for May Day. Everywhere we went there would be vases of them - on hotel counters, in restaurants, on people's lapels. I fell in love with the custom.

I relayed this story over tea to my friends Pat and Sondra when I got back. The next year, on May 1, Sondra showed up at my door with a bunch of Lily of the Valley from her yard. I was so touched. I've wanted to plant some ever since. Finally last year I got around to it. I hope they "took" and that they pop their little heads up this year.

On another topic - sorry, my brain is in high gear and I need to wear it out a bit so I can sleep soon - as I was going through cookbooks the other night I ran across one that features recipes of Puerto Rico. I flipped through it and spotted a recipe for tostones, which I loved when I was there in the summer of 2005. Tostones are made with plantains, something I developed a real taste for in Honduras.

I remember being in Santiago, Guatemala, and there were these huge piles of plantains, fresh picked, at a stand. They were being bought and cooked in a restaurant a few doors down the hill. Needless to say, the ones I buy at Wal-Mart are not nearly as good as those were, but I do like to buy them occasionally.

I cook them, just sliced, in some butter with a little cinnamon sugar sprinkled on. In fact, I cooked some earlier this week. I was thinking about doing a "food porn" post when I took the pic, but that hasn't happened yet and probably won't. I held on to that cookbook so maybe I'll make some tostones soon. We'll see how complex they are to make.

In the US we have gotten so far removed from food. Ironic considering how much is grown here, but we buy it at the grocery store, after it has been through many hands, instead of just getting it more directly from the source. One of the things I love about travelling in the developing world is how incredibly good the fruit and vegetables are.

When I was coming back from Egypt I had two oranges in my backpack. I had met this man in the Cairo airport who I'd just hit it off with and we ended up sitting together on the plane, talking for much of the 11 hour flight. At one point I peeled an orange and offered him some. He said, "Oh, gosh, I can't take that - they're so good - you should eat it." I laughed and said, "I've got two - I'll share." He got the joke - that I might not have shared if I'd only had one. These oranges, picked off the trees right there, were amazing - big, sweet, juicy. We were both lamenting the fact that we couldn't share them with loved ones here but, of course, any fruit is confiscated when you come back into the US in case it has some sort of bug on it. In fact, they even burn the trash from international flights to avoid such things.

I'm not sure why we can't have "real" food in the US. I'm thankful I can buy fruit year 'round and such, but I would like to have food fresh from the ground on occasion. I was thinking about this tonight when I was buying bagged spinach, boxed pine nuts, and a portabello mushroom in a styrofoam tray so I can make more of my favorite salad. It has been my standard dinner lately. I'm thankful I can have that in March, when spinach isn't growing in Kansas. But it would be nice if I could just buy it fresh when it is in season here. But, I doubt I'll be able to. That seems screwed up.

I go to the farmer's market, but even then some of that isn't being grown by those people - it's being grown elsewhere and brought in to sell. Of course, some of it is local and it's pretty easy to tell which here. I'm looking forward to that.

I will also plant some basic things myself. I noticed a couple of days ago that my parsley and oregano are coming up. I hope the lavendar comes back too. We'll see. I want to make sure I get some basil and tomatoes in. I put in two basil plants last year and that was a lot of basil but I think I'll put in three this year. I discovered it's something very easy to give away, and I do like to make pesto.

It will also be good to have mint tea. I noticed the mint is coming up in the front. It may be "invasive" to some, but it's just "hardy" to me.

Beautiful Day, So I Hear

2007-03-19T00:58:00.001-07:00

It was a beautiful day, so I hear. Well, OK, so weatherbug said. I have been inside all day - haven't even peeked my head out the door. I've spent the day boxing cookbooks, doing computer work and working in the kitchen. Why is it that I seem to spend a huge amount of time doing things in my house and yet my house isn't done?

Five years ago during March Madness I was moving into my house and it was even less done then. I remember because my boyfriend at the time was a big sports fan and we were timing trips back to the apartment where the TV was so he could catch the end of games. I was just thankful to sit down for a little bit - and very, very thankful for his help. He did a tremendous amount of work in moving me into this house. Pity he's not around now to haul boxes of cookbooks down the stairs.

I watched the UK/KU game today and my beloved Wildcats did not win. I wasn't really expecting them to - they've not had the best season - but an upset would have been nice. I haven't really kept close track since graduating lo those many years ago, but Mary Ann is a huge fan so since I've been in Kentucky more I'm more up to date these days. Kentucky Wildcat fans are not really used to not having great seasons. As the announcers kept pointing out today they're one of the four most winning teams of all time. Yes, we know. Unfortunately, today was not one of those days to help their averages.

I have another five boxes of cookbooks ready to go. Something I realized today is that I own a lot of Italian cookbooks. I knew I loved Italian food, but apparently it's a love more intense than I realized. I made spaghetti for lunch - not that I'm susceptible to suggestion at all. Of course, I didn't use any of the numerous Italian cookbooks. I think that sums up why I need fewer of them.

The last couple of hours I've been working on an MHA project that I want to complete tomorrow. It is shaping up to be a busy week, with a nice mix of fun and work.

2007-03-17T21:30:00.001-07:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

2007-03-17T02:07:00.001-07:00

I'm really feeling the need for some serious "newness" in my life these days. It seems my life is turning into a series of days that are more alike than not. Of course, I find joy in the daily bits of life, too, but I am a person who needs some continual "newness."

My usual way to get that is to travel. When you're in a place with which you're not familiar you're instantly getting newness. I think it's also a case of you being more open to new things when you're in that environment.

Unfortunately, I seem to find it difficult to get that feeling of newness in the US anymore. I keep trying, but every town seems to be the same - Starbucks on one corner, Walgreens on the other, Walmart on the edge of town, not too far from Target, Applebees nearby. Pop by the Office Max/Depot and stop by McDonald's. It's as if there's a formula for how towns are supposed to look and everyone is falling into line. I long for something different, something distinct, something unique.

The one thing I can get that sense about in the US is nature. I just got the information about the artist's retreat I went on last year and I desperately want to do that again - spend a week in a cabin in the woods. It was an amazing experience for me - not exactly life-changing - but pretty darned close to it. It's in mid-May this year, which is about the same time it was last year. I loved that experience, even though I didn't have running water, which still amuses my family that I could manage. I have a reputation - I think somewhat undeserved - of being "prissy." (Maybe I shouldn't post this when you can scroll down a few posts and see a photo of my painted toes and a toe ring.)

It's the weekend and part of me just wants to take off tomorrow and do something different, but I'm not even sure that that would be. And another part of me knows I should work on my house. I'm so ready for my house to be DONE. I'm getting close but I just run out of energy to stay focused on it.

I've been boxing up cookbooks and it has been fun to be reminded of some of them. I have three boxes full and another stack pulled ready to be boxed up. Once I go through them this first time I'm going to take those to the university and get them out of the house. I think that will inspire me to work on the books more. Now that they'll all be out on the shelves in the library, I'll be able to get an instant sense of wether or not I'm using them. So, when I go through them again it will be easier to pull things again. It has been so long since I've seen some of these books that they seem new again. I have to live with them a bit to see if they belong with me awhile longer or not.

I'm also feeling the need for some more friends in my life. Teresa and Greg are about the only people I know who will do things spur of the moment. I love that about both of them, but when they're both gone - as they were a few days ago - I can feel that lack in my life.

Numerous friendships in my life seem to be requiring a tremendous amount of effort from me to keep them going lately. I'm tired of it so I'm quitting. I need to put that energy into finding new friends instead of trying to maintain these friendships that are obviously waning, for whatever reason. Nothing has changed on my end, but when people don't return your phone calls, or answer emails, or try to get together for lunch or something else for months, they are telling you that they are no longer interested in a friendship. To not listen is foolish. It's a complete waste of time to continue to put energy into those relationships, so I need to move on. It's always sad, but one must keep a dose of reality, even in emotional matters.

4:14 a.m.

2007-03-16T05:52:00.001-07:00

I am up at 4:14 - less than three hours since I went to sleep. Admittedly, I'm often up very early without having much sleep, but this was not intentional. I'm up because someone is irresponsible and their dogs were barking outside my bedroom window. At 4:14 a.m. My second story bedroom window.

I am not a dog hater. Quite the opposite, there are dogs I adore. You may remember seeing pictures of Petie on this very blog. I could quickly become a dog-owner hater, though. I never understand why people think others want to listen to their dogs yap. If I really wanted a big dose of dog barking in my life, I'd get a freaking dog.

Guess how much dog barking I want? Zero. I find absolutely nothing charming about it. Nothing. I can't figure out what others like about it. Of course, they don't really like it, or their dogs would be with them instead of barking outside my bedroom window. At 4:14 a.m. My second story bedroom window.

My next door neighbors have one of those little dogs that bark constantly, but I never hear it. They're responsible dog owners. Maybe twice a year I hear the dog when they're going in or out of the house, and I don't mind. I can't relate to the dog - whenever I see it it's just yapping; at me, at them, at cars going by, at a leaf on the ground, at the open air. I can't imagine what joy anyone gets from such a creature but I suppose they do and more power to them as long as I don't have to share in it.

Unfortunately, my neighbors from somewhere across the street don't keep their dogs so well controlled, because they were barking outside my bedroom window. At 4:14 a.m.

When I went outside to see what was going on they took off across the street, so I'm guessing that's where they belong. Did I mention it was 27 degrees with a windchill of 19 when I was outside, in the dark, dealing with someone else's dogs barking outside my bedroom window? At 4:14 a.m.

2007-03-15T23:14:00.001-07:00

This is my latest ebay purchase. Thank goodness I am generally able to avoid the evil ebay, but I wanted to see some crochet patterns for vintage potholders. So, I went hunting and found this.

I bought it and wrote the person saying I'd like to buy another thing they had posted since - also a pattern book - if they would combine shipping. They never responded to my question and this arrived a day later. I'm guessing the answer to that question was "no."

You'd think people would want to sell more of the things they have for sale, but obviously these folks were more interested in making a little extra money on shipping and handling. Anyway, this is now safely in my possession and I am sharing the vintage crochet patterns with anyone who's interested. It's from 1939 and a company that's no longer around so I guess it's OK to share.

I love the little illustrations in it - very interesting, and the writing is just priceless - quite a time capsule.

I got to see Terry today, for the first time in ages. I met him and Joya and lots of their classmates downtown for lunch. We went to the restaurant in the bank and as I was leaving I ran into a few folks I know, including Nancy Shears and Dorothy Barnett. In one of those "small town" moments - Dorothy just accepted a new position that used to be held by Kris who just accepted a position working with Nancy. Ah, small town life.

Dorothy and I were the only folks at the Newcomers gathering tonight, but it was really nice to get to visit with her. We've been on some committees together, but tonight is the first time I've really gotten a chance to talk with her at any length. She will do a great job in this position with the growth coalition.

This afternoon I finished up the grant that was due today and got it sent. I love being in my office, looking out onto Main Street, watching the world go by as I work.

Today was my 5 year anniversary in this job. Oddly enough, I still feel "new" in it. I started on the Ides of March in 2002. Fortunately, it has been much better for me than it was for Ceasar.

2007-03-14T23:29:00.001-07:00

It was a gorgeous day today, which I got to see very little of. I have a grant due tomorrow so I have been working on it all day. I did go outside and pick a few daffodils to bring inside. That's my favorite thing about warmer weather is having fresh flowers. I grow them so I can bring them inside and no matter how many I grow it's never enough.

The shelf over the kitchen sink is a favorite spot to put a flower. And daffodils are the perfect color accent.

As of yet I have no tulips coming up. I hope they do show up. I considered it an "investment" year before last when I planted all those. Last night at Altrusa someone told me their tulips weren't up yet either so that made me feel a little better.

Teresa and I went to Roy's for lunch and afterwards I went and delivered some signs for Trish's campaign. April 3 is election day so it's right around the corner. I hope Trish wins in her bid for city council. She will do a great job, I know.

I've been thinking a lot today about house things. I packed another box of cookbooks last night before I went to bed. Suddenly I find myself sentimental for things I haven't looked at in a decade. I think I will have to photocopy some of the inscriptions people have written to me before I pass the books on.

I ran across one from Dave Case, this guy I interviewed a bunch of times when I worked in radio. He was a fish and wildlife person and I really liked him. He was always friendly and pleasant. He wrote a cookbook with a coauthor about cooking with game and gave me a copy. I hadn't thought about it in years but there it was, just for the picking up. A nice little memory. But I can preserve the memory without holding onto the book. So, that's what I'm going to do.

Spring has Arrived

2007-03-13T23:21:00.001-07:00

Spring has arrived, if not on the calendar, by temperature at least. It was in the mid 70s here today, which means it was the first day I could wear sandals, and sport one of my recent toe ring purchases. I picked this up in Seattle - at least I think so - maybe it was Florida - maybe it was somewhere else. I don't know - but I bought it somewhere in the last year and fortunately I still like it.

After work today I decided to get started on packing cookbooks. I went through just one shelf in the living room and have a full box ready to go to K-State. Most of the books in the living room are not cookbooks, but other things. However, there are plenty of cookbooks there I want to donate as well. I haven't even gone upstairs and looked at those since I've known that they want the collection.

It will be a big relief to send the books on, as well as a little sad. Cookbooks have been a big part of my life for more than 20 years. And they still will be, but I just have too many to take care of well. And I'm not really using them and neither is anyone else right now.

On this first go 'round I'm going to donate the ones I'm absolutely certain I want to give away. Then, when I don't miss any of those after a while, I'll be ready to let go of a bunch more. I just know that's how I work.

That was one of the things I learned when working with my life coach, Sheri Gaynor. I was talking with her about an issue and said, "I just have to have time to live with it for awhile, to get used to the idea." Although I say that all the time about various things, it wasn't until Sheri pointed it out that I realized that's how I process things and it's important that I have the chance to do it the way I'm comfortable. I have to have time to get used to it, to live with it, to shrug into it - whatever "it" is.

Art of Gracious Living #64 - Stories

2007-03-13T22:26:00.001-07:00

Our stories are how we connect with others. The Kalahari Bushmen believe a man's story is his most precious possession because it's the basis of culture and civilization. The same is true in modern society, but we're more likely to tell someone what we do for a living than what we care about, than who we are.

When I thought about applying this to myself I was reminded of a piece I wrote a few years ago that I gave to some friends with driftwood I had collected at the confluence of the rivers near where I grew up. That is a place I return to repeatedly.

In 2001, I gave pieces of driftwood I gathered at the river to some friends with the following piece I wrote.

I am a person of rivers.

For those of us born to rivers, they are life itself. We speak of them reverently. We fear them. We cherish them. We are drawn to them by a force we cannot comprehend but have no choice but to obey. They flow through our souls. They define us.

We go to the river for strength, for guidance, for solace. We cannot possibly find our way in the world without returning to the river periodically. It beckons to us. We cannot deny its call. We learn at a young age that there's no point in even trying. Not that we want to anyway. The river knows when we are away from it too long. It summons us home.

We gather at the riverside for family celebrations, baptisms, and catharsis. We have rituals, public and private, that are carried out only on those banks.

The confluence of the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers is a place I return to when I've lost my way in the world. I have said prayers of thanksgiving and prayers of entreatment from the same spot. I have sought direction and consolation. I will do both again as long as I walk upon this Earth.

I gathered this driftwood on an April Day of 2001 with the idea of sharing it with a few special friends at Christmastime. I had no idea then how profoundly changed I would be by the end of this year. My life will never be the same as it was that day.

I can't give you the river. I can't even explain its attraction for those of us born to it. But I want to share with you a small token of it. May this driftwood encourage you to visit what restores you.

I hope the holidays are a time of joy for you and yours this Christmas.

Patsy
Christmas 2001

2007-03-13T12:08:00.001-07:00

My cookbooks have a new home.

Kansas State University will be the repository for my collection. KSU has an extraordinary collection already, so this will be only a small addition to it, but it feels "right" that it go to them.

Many of the books I have are Kansas-specific ones from all the years I've reviewed books for Kansas Country Living. It makes sense that they remain in Kansas. Cookbooks, particularly community and church ones, not only offer recipes but they put people in a certain place at a certain time. One of the things I've always loved about cookbooks is that they capture the essence of an era and a place. Food is so central to our lives.

Putting the library together upstairs has really pointed out to me that my collection is simply too large for me to care for properly. I no longer use the books for recipes often and I'm just keeping them in storage, and not doing that well. It will be best for them to be somewhere where they will be taken care of and used.

I emailed four different universities/libraries and K-State got back with me right away. The guy I contacted wrote and said he would have the person who handles their cookbook collection email, who did right away. I called him today and we had a nice chat - he's a UK alum, too. K-State is interested and will pass on whatever they cannot use to another library. I like that idea so, ding ding ding, we have a winner.

I just took the books out of boxes to put them on shelves. Now I'm going to go through and repack some of them back into the same boxes and give them to the library. I'm glad I didn't throw the boxes out, or even bring them downstairs.

Needless to say, I have much work to do.

2007-03-12T00:06:00.001-07:00

Saturday night Sondra had me over for dinner. She fixed burgers and potato salad. It was very yummy - apparently it's the Hellman's mayo recipe. I recommend it.

Before I went over I worked on the library. I decided since I was home unexpectedly this weekend that I'd get a head start on it. Good thing because I've worked on it all day today too and it's still not done. Perhaps my assertion to do it in one weekend was a bit hasty. Fortunately, I set the deadline for next weekend so I still have some time to work on it. But, I have something every night this week so I won't have much time to be in there.

I had planned to go to Andrea's again tonight for a "meet and greet" for Trish in her run for city council. But, I was so occupied in the library that when I came down to wash the paint off and get ready it was already underway. I guess I hadn't really adjusted to the time change yet.

Today was a bit of a personal archeaological dig. In unpacking boxes, there were not only boxes of books but also personal papers. I ran across a journal from 1988 - hard to believe that's almost 20 years ago. Some of the players in my life are the same and some are long gone. Some I don't even recognize anymore. Of course, when I was writing, I couldn't imagine those people not being regular players in in my life. But 19 years later their names don't even ring a bell - not even a faint one.

I rarely read old journals - pretty much only occasions like this, where I run across one. For some reason it makes me sad. I'm not sure why, but it does. It's not that I'm reading about sad things, but nonetheless it makes me sad. So, I don't do it. Today was no exception. Looking back with the perspective of time, of course, we can see all kinds of options we didn't see at the time. But, things just are as they are. Oddly enough, I could distinctly remember writing some of those entries. I could put myself back at that place, which is pretty amazing after all this time.

I promised more pix from Andrea's birthday party Friday night and haven't gotten around to it until now. This will also be good for readers who want more photos of more people I talk about. So... without further ado... here we go...

Starting with the birthday girl herself...

Kris and John came over from Wichita with their friend, Carol. I'd not met her before, so that was fun. I like her. And, hey, she loves Christmas so you know she's my kind of people.

Speaking of Christmas... Kris and I have decided whenever we're together we need another photo of us in what is becoming our pose. See our Christmas photo here.

We had to educate the guys about being at a "girl party" as Andrea put it - that you pass things around and sniff, stroke or whatever is appropriate. Fortunately, I had given Andrea some Bath and Body stuff, perfect for the sniffing. John and Brad were both good sports about it. Dan had already made his escape before the sniffing started. Martha demonstrated...

Debbie and Diana were there with their hubbies, Dan and Brad.

That's Dan here with Martha and Carol. Dan is married to Debbie, on the left in the photo above.

Debbie owns the yarn shop where Andrea works parttime and where she gets her regular fix of yarn. Andrea showed us her latest project, a sweater for her almost one year old nephew, Sam, who's celebrating a birthday very soon. I think it's OK to show the photo because I don't think Sam is a regular reader of this blog so it's not a spoiler.

That's Teresa and Brad in the photo below...

Happy Birthday, Andrea!

I was suspicious...

2007-03-11T15:24:00.001-07:00

I have suspected for some time, and today have confirmed, that I own too many cookbooks. Some of them must go to live somewhere else. Many of them. Hundreds of them.

I have been collecting cookbooks for many years. I bought them when I travelled and I have the ones I've reviewed over the past dozen plus years. Some of them I love and some of them I have barely looked at since they've been in my possession. None of them are really used for recipes anymore. When I want a recipe I go online.

So, it is time for many of these cookbooks to find a new home. I think I'd like to just give about 75% of the collection to a library that could use them, with the remaining ones going there after I die. The trick now is to see if there's a library that would be interested in them.

I wasn't looking for another project right now, but I guess I need to devote some energy to this. I want to move them on to their new home soon.

Sudoku Brain Power

2007-03-10T23:44:00.001-08:00

Have you started working sudoku? I was resisting. And I was doing a good job of it. Until I was in Kentucky in October and Mary Ann had a little book - just lying there on the counter - all innocent looking.

Well, I started working them and discovered I'm not very good at it. For most people, this would make them stop. I, instead, came home and found a place online to work them for free. Now I've purchased a book - damn the Target $1 section.

The online place gives you an option of seeing how you're doing compared to others. I suck even more than I knew. Once it told me that 98% of people do them better. Hopefully I've gotten a little better.

Obviously, this uses some part of my brain that isn't fully functioning. I'm trying to stimulate it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. And, yes, I'm only working the "easy" ones. Don't laugh.

2007-03-09T22:26:00.001-08:00

I started my day at 4 a.m. in Topeka. It's now midnight and I'm back in Hutchinson.
This morning was our annual legislative breakfast for Compeer. The various programs in the state convene at the capitol and provide donuts and cinnamon rolls for anyone in the capitol who wants to stop by. We talk about Compeer, which is a mentoring program for adults and children recovering from a mental illness.

It gives us a chance to visit with everyone and tell them a bit about the program.

This morning was especially fun - I ran into Jeff King from dialogue, and visited with him briefly. I also saw Mark Treaster for a few minutes. I was hoping I'd run into Jan Pauls, but I didn't see her.

I was flattered that Tom Hawk remembered my "This I Believe" piece from Kansas Dialogue last year. He asked if it was available anywhere, which prompted me to locate it online tonight and send it to him.

All in all it was a successful morning. I rather enjoy the process. I liked doing it for the MHA last year in DC, too, although I was pretty much just listening and learning. I found out this past week that I'll probably get to go to that conference again this year, so that will be a cool.

When I talk about enjoying visiting legislators the looks people give me are very similar to the ones I get when I mention that I like public speaking. Sometimes I think this may not be the "norm."
But I think of it as just an information exchange - there's no way people, even legislators, can know all the details about everything. And Compeer is a fabulous program so it's good to be able to tell its story and demonstrate that taxpayers are getting something significant for the money devoted to this program. Although it's not a huge amount of money for the state, it's huge for these programs. We couldn't provide the service without that funding.

The friendship that people develop in a Compeer match has a dramatic impact on the lives of the people involved. That friendship is often cited as a reason people are able to develop more social skills, or go back to work or school. People with a Compeer friend are much less likely to be hospitalized, which is a huge money saver. It's a good program, so it's easy for me to speak positively about it.

I guess that's the deal for me. If it's something I can be completely positive about while being totally honest it's very easy to promote it. I just can't be in a position where I have to fudge the truth or make things look better than they are. Fortunately, it's easy to be positive about Compeer.

I got back to Hutchinson tonight in time to go to Andrea's loft for a birthday gathering. I had thought I wouldn't be back, but really wanted to go. I'll have more photos to share, but - of course - we need a photo of the birthday girl - opening presents, naturally!

Art of Gracious Living #63 - One on One Conversation

2007-03-07T22:54:00.001-08:00

Finding opportunities to have one on one conversation with others is something worth the effort.

I recently had a five hour conversation with my nephew's wife, Cathy, and it was wonderful to connect with her in that way. As I thought about it later I realized that, because I live away from my family, I rarely have a chance to talk with any of them one on one - it tends to be in a group. Conversation is always different in groups than it is one on one. Both have their advantages.

Regardless of the number of people involved, we must all look for the opportunities to have meaningful conversation.

Decision

2007-03-07T22:44:00.001-08:00

I have made an important decision. It's not one of the typical, potentially life-altering decisions you might think, but it's an important one in my little corner of the world. And I'm stating it publicly right now. Next weekend - March 17/18 - I am going to finish the library. I have been talking about it and putzing around with it for so long I'm boring myself whenever I think about it, much less talk about it. So, next weekend I'm just going to finish it and be done with it.

I'm not sure what the deal is but I've developed some sort of weird mental block about this room. I thought it was getting the shelves put together so I hired Austin to do that, but I still didn't get in there and finish the room. I have some "issue" with it - maybe that I'm not sure I really want to keep all the cookbooks I'm creating a room to hold. Whatever it is, next weekend I'm putting it to the side and getting my ass in gear and getting the room done. I have eight more days to nurture my weirdness about it and then it will be time for action and I'm going to accomplish it.

I've decided it's going to be a lovely way to spend a weekend. And by Sunday night I will be feeling very proud of myself and enjoying my lovely room, with shelves full of books lining the walls, my rocking chair in place, and all will be right with the world. Or at least in that one room.

This bedroom-soon-to-be-library appears to be little more than a junk room at the moment. That is a terrible, terrible thing to let happen. It takes a long time to undo it and that's where I find myself. So, I'm going to dig in and do it and be done with it. I want to move on to other projects and this is my only free weekend for the next couple of months.

I'll do some before, during and after photos. Goodness knows I should be embarrassed to even show what the room looks like. But, as we all know, you'll be able to find the photos here on the world wide web. It will be like one of those organizing shows "before" photos.

When I was in Kentucky at Christmas I discovered that my nephew, Bobby, shares my distaste of those organizing shows. Throwing away my things is not organizing them. If you are an "organizer" you're supposed to come in and ORGANIZE my things - not just throw them away. If I only had 5% of the things I own I wouldn't need your help to organize them - I could do it myself.

And if you think I'm going to be arguing with someone over whether or not I get to keep something I value, you've lost your freaking mind. If I went to the trouble to make the money to buy it, went and purchased it, carried it home and hauled it upstairs, I want it. And if you're my organizer you're supposed to show me the efficient way to have/house/store/display/enjoy said item - not toss it out.

On another home front, I've also been thinking about trying my hand at reupholstering. I have a chair upstairs that I bought specifically with the idea of experiementing on it. I think the time has come to give it a whirl. If I screw it up I'll just toss it all out and consider it a lesson learned. I've got some fabric, a staple gun and a sewing machine - what else could I need? OK, so some knowledge and experience would be good, but both of those have to be gained. Nothing like just jumping into a project to get some of both.

My mother reupholstered furniture, and although she never had a lesson and only did it for family, hers looked as good as what I've seen the "professionals" do. I understand the hardest part is the cushions so I just decided maybe I'd hire those done if I ran into problems. It looks to me like it involves a lot of stretching and stapling.We'll see how confident I feel once I have something in pieces. I could be singing a completely different tune then.

Megatrends 2010

2007-03-06T23:42:00.001-08:00

I've been reading the book, Megatrends 2010, by Patricia Aburdene. Her belief is that we are moving into a time of social consciousness in business. She cites many examples of companies encouraging meditation and how that has reflected positively on the bottom line.

She talks about how the real promise of expanding business is finding a way to bring the rest of the world into it, in a socially responsible way. Forgiveness, heart math and a variety of other techniques are discussed.

It's worth a look. We can only hope she's right about the "rise of conscious capitalism."

2007-03-05T21:49:00.001-08:00

Early this morning I was making a cup of tea and glanced over at the wire basket full of hand crocheted potholders I've accumulated over the years. I'm not sure exactly what my attraction to them is, but it is substantial. Maybe it's the different designs and the beautiful colors - some of them are incredibly intricate.

One of the things I love about handwork is that you can see people's creativity - even when following a pattern, and even when supplies were probably limited. I am very lucky to live in an area where lots of ladies still practice some of these crafts. However, it is fading, just like so many other things.

I have looked for some old patterns before, thinking maybe I would crochet some of these myself. But, I've never found the old patterns and I'm not sure I'd get motivated enough to do it anyway. The only thing I've found online that seems to be close is at http://web.archive.org/web/20030608131706/http://members.aol.com/_ht_a/lffunt/scallph.htm. It would be really wonderful to run across an old pattern book. If I got interested enough I could probably look at some of the ones I have and figure out the basics of how to make one. But there's somethign so charming about having ones that have stood the test of time and have that patina of age on them.

While I was in the kitchen this morning I smiled yet again at the lovely tea towels Julie gave me more than a year ago. I had mentioned how much I loved embroidered tea towels and she purchased these for me. There's a whole set of them, one for every day of the week. They're new, not antique ones, and I love them.

It was so sweet of Julie to remember that conversation, and buy these for me. I have used them at various times as decoration on the refrigerator door, but haven't used them for anything messy. I'm sure I will eventually, but I want to keep them nice looking as long as possible. The whole set is done in these nice colors and sweet designs.

I am going to make it a habit to put that day's towel on the fridge each day, so I can enjoy them all. I'm not sure why, but my mom always had a towel hanging on the fridge door, as did everyone else I knew when I was growing up. For whatever reason that custom has faded but I think I shall revive it in my own home - if for no reason other than to enjoy these.

I spent the work day huddled over the keyboard, which was all the more difficult today because it was a gorgeous outside. But I accomplished a number of things. I also got some a letter today saying that we are getting a grant for the MHA that I was a bit unsure about. So, I'm happy about that.

After work today I went to Carey Park for a long walk and to watch the sunset. It was a beautiful afternoon, warm and sunny.

2007-03-04T22:31:00.001-08:00

I have had a rather relaxing day by my standards. I got some writing and some recording done, which is good.

I also made a trip to Goodwill, where for less than $9 I added to my teacup collection including some lovely hobnail milk glass cups.

I also picked up a Denby china cup and saucer made in Portugal.It has a stamp on the bottom that reads Denby Fine China Portugal Tabletop Designs S.A. 1974 with a 32 added on it. I have no idea what any of that means, but I was enchanted with it.

I love this set, it's so sweet. The little flowers are so delicate.

They had some more cups, but only one saucer. I don't care about having a matched set always, but one of the neatest bits of this is on the saucer - a little butterfly where the cup sits.

How can you not love that?

Of course, I had to try it out tonight so I'm having a cup of Constant Comment right this very minute. Why does tea taste better when you drink it from a beautiful cup?

I've been thinking a lot lately about the little luxuries I enjoy in daily life. I am convinced they're essential to mental well-being. Mine, fortuantely, are pretty simple.

1. I love good perfume - love it - one of my favorite parts of the day is deciding what perfume to wear each day. Yesterday it was Ombre Rose, today Ralph Lauren Hot, tomorrow who knows... maybe Obsession, a long time favorite. I have a large collection of scents and love them all.

2. I have nice soap at every sink in my house. The last year or so I've been devoted to Bath and Body, but it can change.

3. Bubble bath is an essential. I adore a nice long, luxurious bath. It's my favorite place to read, lounge and relax.

4. Nice sheets - the extra thread count is worth the extra money.

5. Fine stationery. Although it's largely lost on most people, I appreciate the feel of certain paper - for writing and reading. I don't think there has been a time in my life since I was in college when I've not had some Crane's in my home - even if my home was only a small apartment. Kate's Paperie in New York is a place where I can spend hours.

I am blessed to be able to indulge the luxuries I enjoy. There are so many "things" I appreciate - from antique linens to glassware to a wonderful cup of tea. They all make me feel settled into who I am.

I am finally getting my life organized enough that I have time for all the things I want to do. It has been a slow process, but I'm getting to the place where I can work in everything I want in a day.

Art of Gracious Living #62

2007-03-04T19:35:00.001-08:00

The book and DVD, "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne has garnered a lot of attention lately. The book is all about the law of attraction, and that what we devote our energy and attention to is what we attract into our lives.

The first time I read about the concept was in Napoleon Hill's book, "Think and Grow Rich." He summed it up by saying that whatever the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.

This is not a new concept. It has been around for centuries. One of the central beliefs is that we must be grateful for what we already have, which is something we've talked about many time on Art of Gracious Living.

The blubrry player will open in another window and allow you to choose which episode you want to hear. The most recent will come up automatically.

Writing

2007-03-03T21:44:00.001-08:00

Greg and I returned to Hutch tonight, after a whirlwind couple of days. Of course yesterday was devoted to seeing Bill Clinton. Today we spent a majority of the day at the Kansas Capitol building. We wanted to take the dome tour, and ended up getting the dome and historical tour with a lovely woman.

As we were leaving Topeka, Greg realized there was a lunar eclipse going on so we took note of that and lamented we had not paid closer attention. Greg is very observant about such things, but it was almost over by the time we noticed.

I dropped Greg off a little after 10 tonight and I am trying to catch up on some correspondence and other writing since I got home. I need to spend parts of tomorrow at the computer and the writing desk.

I have been neglecting my handwritten correspondence lately and I need to devote some time to it. I'm considering moving my writing desk into the downstairs sunporch, in front of the window. That seems like it would be a lovely place to write, particularly in the early morning. I enjoy the feel of pen to paper, chosing the stationery, and the look of a letter ready to be dropped in the mailbox. There's something special about having a place where you sit down specifically to write by hand.

I do nothing at my writing desk except write notes and journal. I do not use a computer there, nor do I pay bills or anything of that nature. That space is sacred for communication by the handwritten word - whether it be with the outside world or my inner world.

Tired Pup

2007-03-01T20:27:00.001-08:00

I am a tired pup tonight, but I've accomplished many things in the last week. While I was in Kentucky I finished a couple of MHA projects I needed to get done, as well as an Altrusa thing. But, spending a night with no sleep and then standing in the cold to get Clinton tickets, and driving 1300 miles in less than a week has worn me out a bit. I think after a good night's sleep tonight I'll be feeling normal again.

And - good thing - because tomorrow we go to see President Clinton in Manhattan and then again in Topeka. I'm sure all will go smoothly getting from one place to another because we've done a lot of planning for it, but it has taken some energy.

The other morning when I left my brother's I made a quick stop in Barlow, Kentucky. Barlow was my address the first 17 years of my life, and is the small town closest to the farm where I grew up. On the main corner in Barlow was the hardware store on the corner - run by Miss Mary Nave. Next to it was the drugstore. Now the hardware store is gone and the drugstore looks not to be far behind. I couldn't resist snapping a photo. Whoever owns the building has removed the false front that was on it for years, exposing a hand painted sign which is quite the time capsule.

When I approached the Kentucky-Illinois bridge between Wickliffe and Cairo the sun was just peeking from behind a cloud. I had thought about stopping by the river briefly, but that sealed the deal. I turned left instead of right, which would have taken me toward home, and drove the winding road to the riverfront. I arrived just in time to grab a few shots before the sun broke through and ruined the effect. I was literally back in the car and turning around when the sun popped out so I got my few pictures just in the nick of time. I lead a charmed life.

This is the same spot I showed a day or two ago, where the rivers run together. But I shot this from further away from the edge. But, I'm glad I went ahead and shot. I didn't know it, but I didn't have time to walk to the water's edge - I would have missed it if I'd tried.

2007-02-21T21:49:00.001-08:00

I went to lunch with Peggy today and we sat and talked for a long time. It was good to reconnect. We don't seem to see each other often enough. I needed a break so it worked out great.

Tonight I went to a lecture on grief, which I'll say more about when I'm not quite so weary, but for tonight I want to get some rest.

The last few days I've been working every waking moment and that's all I've done tonight since getting home. It is time for me to rest. I need to rest. I must rest.

Shorter Work Week

2007-02-21T21:05:00.001-08:00

As a result of my "Dilbert isn't funny when you're living it" post, I got an email from the folks who founded an organization for a shorter work week.

Americans are way overworked. We don't even seem to have time to feed ourselves anymore, hence the proliferation of fast food restaurants. You'd think not being able to feed our own young would be a long term issue for the species, but so far we don't seem to have noticed.

http://www.shorterworkweek.blogspot.com/

Blue Skinned

2007-02-20T23:03:00.001-08:00

I'm starting to feel like that kid we see on King of the Hill every once inawhile that is hunched over his computer with the blue skin. It seems I've been typing for days and days and days. This time of year I do a lot of grant writing and budgeting and such, and it all requires a lot of computer time. But I've had a string of really productive days and accomplished many projects. Tomorrow I'm hoping to get outside and see some sun. I need to take some daylight time and get outdoors a bit. I'm starting to feel as though my veins are visible.

Tonight was my board meeting and afterwards Trish and I spent some time chatting. We also ran into Terry as he was coming in to the library. Trish is someone I trust implicitly and trust is a huge deal to me. She is never judgemental, never-passive agressive, never condescending. It's a rare blend in a person and one I try to emulate. She is far better at it than I am.

I knew this about Trish, but when I was involved with a man who was much younger than me, she was one of the very few people in my world who passed no judgement on that - openly or otherwise. She was supportive in the beginning and she was supportive at the end. That's what a friend is about - someone who is there over the whole spectrum of experience, with nothing but positivity regardless.

Last night was Creative Sisterhood and although there were only four of us here it was a really great evening. Diana left early, leaving Teresa, Martha and me but it was an insightful time together - at least for me. We talked about many topics, including The Secret and the Law of Attraction.

Art of Gracious Living #61 - Wholeheartedness

2007-02-20T02:12:00.001-08:00

<img src="http://www.patsyterrell.com/images2/wholehearted.jpg" align="left">Poet David Whyte related a story of a friend saying that the cause of people being tired was a lack of wholeheartedness. It's another way of saying that people should follow their passion.

The trick, of course, is to find that passion, and then figure out how to devote onesself to it.

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Dilbert isn't funny when you're living it

2007-02-20T01:21:00.001-08:00

Today was a holiday in the states - well, for some people. I didn't get any mail today, lets put it that way. What holiday? President's Day. It was created by people trying to sell appliances as a way to "honor" Lincoln and Washington who both had birthdays in February - neither of which happened to be today, which is a Monday so therefore an extended weekend.

I, of all people, am fond of holidays, but I wish we would just be honest about them instead of hunting for some tenous reason to have a holiday. Americans are overworked in so many ways - we take less vacation than any other industrialized nation except Japan. Even those who are entitled to lots of vacation don't take it. Not this girl - I take my vacation. I would be in need of mental health services if I didn't.

However, although today was technically a holiday I have worked all day. And, wouldn't you know it, have had an incredibly productive day. I completed FOUR tasks I've been putting off and dreading. I had done some work on each of them and as of 3:02 a.m. they are all completed.

I don't intend to stay up this late, but I get into "the flow" of a project and I don't want to stop. If I keep going I can finish it in another 30 minutes. If I stop, it will take me an extra two hours to get back in the mindset where it will take those 30 minutes. Unfortunately, when that happens repeatedly, it ends up being after 3 a.m.

I had a boss years ago who would say, "it's like you do nothing for weeks, then you pull an all nighter and more is accomplished than seems humanly possible in one night." What he could never understand was that 1. I was not just idly sitting at my desk doing nothing, despite appearances - I was THINKING about the projects all those previous weeks. 2. I got more done when no one was interrupting me so of course I could accomplish a lot of things. 3. If he would have just left me alone and let me do things my own way he would have gotten much more out of me.

My current employers are very good about letting me do my work my own way. They're getting far more than 40 hours a week from me because I devote one of the many tracks in my brain to work all the time - not just 9-5. And I'm happy to do that as long as I'm treated well. When I'm not respected by an employer I just switch that off at 5 p.m.

Having worked in broadcasting for many years I have had some funny work experiences.

At one place I worked you couldn't make any long distance phone calls with the manager's approval. He had severe back trouble and you had to go into his office and ask him if it was OK. He would be lying prone on this table built so he didn't have to bend to sit on it. So, you would bend over at a 90 degree angle so you could look him in the eye and ask if you could make a phone call.

At another place I worked, only the first few people who got their paychecks to the bank every week got paid. Everyone else's would bounce. I was working there parttime and the checks were printed at 10 a.m. Tuesdays. I would go pick up my check, that of the program director and a friend who worked nights and take them all to the bank. Depending on how much money was in the account a couple of other people might get paid. It was paycheck roulette.

That was the same place where one of the sales guys wore this powder blue leisure suit to work every day - I mean every day - for two and a half months. Finally the sales manager pulled him aside and said you've got to get another suit.

At another place I worked, the evening anchor guy was having a torrid affair with the weekend weather girl. The anchor guy's wife was the noontime anchor and knew nothing about this. Maybe because she was busy with the weekend sports guy. Kenny, the sports guy, was, meantime, hitting on every intern that went through the place - including me. While he was awfully cute, I refrained. Who wants to be in someone's love triangle, quadrangle, hexagon or whatever that is.

For the record, Dilbert isn't funny when you're living it.

2007-02-09T15:00:00.001-08:00

Aaarrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh... I upgraded to the new blogger. Big Mistake. The third party tool I use to post to all my blogs doesn't work in the new blogger. And the developer isn't planning on upgrading it. So, I found another tool to do that, so they say, but it doesn't work (just one teensy problem).

Until I can figure it out, please visit my blog at www.patsyterrell.com/blog.htm. I will be doing that one by hand in the short term. If I don't find an answer for this soon I will have to decide wether or not to continue or to abandon this because doing it by hand is VERY time consuming. However, I'm hoping all will be resolved soon.

In the meantime, visit at www.patsyterrell.com! :)

2007-01-24T21:15:00.000-08:00

Babies and Birds

This evening I went to go see Diana's new grandson, Drew Emerson. He was born Sunday morning at 2:08. Diana called me about 15 minutes later to tell me the news. I am so excited for Taylor, Tom and big sister, Lily - not to mention grandma Diana. Drew was 7 lbs. 3 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long.

I called Sunday afternoon to find out what his name was. The middle name, Emerson, is after Ralph Waldo Emerson. They decided that was a better choice than Ralph or Waldo. I think Drew Waldo does have a certain ring to it, but I've always heard you should name your child something you want to be screaming for the next couple of decades. As in, "Drew Emerson, you get in here this minute..."

I was dying to go see him, but figured there would be a ton of people at the hospital. Come to find out, there was NO ONE there all afternoon. I could have been holding that baby for hours!!! I do so love little tiny babies. Oh well. But, I got to hold him for a bit this evening - fun, fun, fun.

This day didn't go the way I had planned it. What is it they say about the best laid plans? Yadda, yadda, yadda. But, it was a good day - just not the day I had planned.

Trish and I had planned to have lunch today, and then it was going to be Trish, Teresa and I. But, Susan called and was just passing through town and wanted to know about lunch. Well, I don't get to see Susan very often so let Trish and Teresa lunch together and I went to see Susan. Hopefully I'll get to see both Trish and Teresa yet this week.

It was nice to see Susan. I sure miss her being in town. But she likes her life in Valley Falls, so you can't argue with happiness.

I had a long list of MHA things to do today and got through at least part of it. Shortly after work, I met Greg at Carey Park where he was shooting some Lope pix. Blogging The Lope requires constant attention.

Ace Jackalope is decked out here in his red suit, and feeding the ducks and geese bits of bread. Greg, of course, has the job of capturing it all.

We stayed until the setting sun told us it was about to get very chilly out in the snow.

2007-01-24T14:33:00.000-08:00

Looking Back

"It could last six days, six weeks. I doubt six months." Rumsfeld talking about the war in Feb. of 2003.

2007-01-23T15:38:00.000-08:00

How to Meditate Podcast

Art of Gracious Living #58
Happiness Series - Part 3 of 4 - Meditation

Science has proven that meditation will increase your happiness level. Today's podcast is about various meditation techniques and ways you can incorporate it into your daily life.

This is the third of a four part series.

The blubrry player will open in another window and allow you to choose which episode you want to hear. The most recent will come up automatically.

2007-01-23T14:12:00.000-08:00

The Lope is Famous!

The Lope is getting more famous by the day!

http://www.cnn.com/exchange/blogs/notebook/

2007-01-22T10:09:00.000-08:00

If Everyone Cared by Nickelback

Lately I've been really impressed with Nickelback's "If Everyone Cared." Maybe it's because I want to live in that fantasy world, and maybe it's because I love the fact that younger people appreciate this sentiment.

I came of age in the early 80s. It was a horribly embarrassing time as far as music goes - hair bands and Madonna - long before she became anything resembling socially responsible. We all have to grow.

I'm encouraged that a song about peace and caring can rise on the charts.

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We�d see the day when nobody died

What a simple message. I hope the upcoming generation "gets it" because my generation certainly didn't. Some of us did, but enough of us didn't that we're at war again. Maybe "getting it" on a large scale requires growing up in a time of war. How unfortunate.

I was too young when Vietnam ended to really comprehend politics and by the time the first Gulf War started I was plenty old enough to know it was about oil and too young to understand how to do much about it. I guess age doesn't matter because I couldn't figure out how to stop "oil war #2" either.

Ultimately, enough people in any generation have to "get it" to elect people who won't start wars. We're not there yet. Maybe the next generation will be.

I don't meet many 20 somethings who are gung ho on war. Maybe when you're the age group dying you feel a little differently about it. I know there are some, but they seem to be in fewer numbers.

At some point we're not going to have enough people to fight wars without a draft. Frankly, I'm eager for that day. If we had a draft, and *anyone's* kid could end up being killed in Iraq (or fill in country of your choice), we'd be out of the war business in the blink of an eye. There wouldn't be any discussion about the best way to get out of Iraq, we'd just be out. And we'd be a lot less cavalier about starting more wars.

Back to the song... If you haven't seen the video, it's well worth catching it. I'm sure you can find it online.

Nickelback lyrics

If Everyone Cared

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you�d be mine
But here we are, we�re here tonight

Singing Amen, I�m alive
Singing Amen, I�m alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We�d see the day when nobody died
And I�m singing

Amen I, I�m alive
Amen I, I�m alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We�ll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen I�m alive
Singing Amen I�m alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We�d see the day when nobody died
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We�d see the day when nobody died

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We�d see the day when nobody died

We�d see the day, we�d see the day
When nobody died
We�d see the day, we�d see the day
When nobody died
We�d see the day when nobody died

2007-01-21T22:34:00.000-08:00

Broken

Greg and I had a long talk tonight about people who are "broken." We both know some of them, although few who are up close and personal in either of our lives.

Greg is more accepting of such things than I am. Maybe because Greg is a stronger person. I know I cannot have that influence in my life. I am barely holding my own broken self together most days, I can't take any responsibility for anyone else. And I can't risk any unravelling.

While we were talking I looked down at my middle finger on my right hand. Although it's not something most would notice, it is crooked, and it's a continual reminder to me of how broken I am.

I fell when I was in 5th grade and broke my right wrist. Unfortunately, I also dislocated a number of the bones in my fingers. In one of those amazing by-the-grace-of-God coincidences, the ER doctor happened to be a specialist in setting bones. They worked for some hours to get all my finger bones back in the right places, and they did an amazing job, although they don't all bend and line up perfectly.

The family doctor, where we'd gone first, had told us my hand might never grow again. At that point I started to wail. I was young, but I knew that would be a bad thing. My mother told me later that while standing behind me the doctor mouthed, "it won't."

So, during that 45 minute drive to the hospital my parents were assuming my hand would never grow again. It must have seemed incredibly tragic to them, to have their child hurt and perhaps permanently damaged. I think one of the things that has always struck me about that trip is that it was the only time my father was ever involved in my medical care.

But, in one of the many ways in which I've always led a charmed life, my hand did grow to an adult size. My slightly twisted middle finger - the tip leans to the right and the lower half to the left while the middle knuckle is enlarged, and my fourth finger that overlaps that one slightly at the tip - remind me of being broken. Some kinds of broken are things you can see and some are things that are invisible. At least we try to keep them invisible.

When I catch one of those talk shows were the seeming dregs of humanity air their dirty laundry, all I can think about is the ways in which those people are broken. They don't live their lives that way because it's what they want, it's because it's the only way they know. They are broken. They are broken in ways we don't have a clue how to fix.

The really frightening part of it is that it's not just TV. We walk amongst people every day who are broken. We may not notice. And if we do we may not do anything more than note it and move on. What can we do, after all? And, ultimately, we're afraid it's catching. Most of us have spent the last few decades patching our own broken selves together and some of those patches are holding better than others and we're not risking anything tearing them off.

People get broken in lots of ways, but much of it happens in childhood and it's with us always. You never do get "past your raisin'." I think it's one reason I never wanted to be a parent. It scared me to death to think I had to try and get another human through the trauma filled time of childhood and adolescence - and that's before you even get to the daily pressures of being an adult.

Kids are physically knocked around by adults, and their fragile egos are damaged with words and actions - from adults and peers. They are sexually abused and emotionally abused. They are left out and left alone and left behind. And we chalk it all up to "growing up" and "kids will be kids" and "kids are resilient." We give a lot of lip service to protecting our children, but we do very little real about it. Of course parents try, but some things are beyond our control. Lots of things.

When I see a woman who's hopping from one bed to another I know it's not because she loves sex so much. It's because sex is her currency. When I see a young girl who wants desperately to have a baby I know it's because she wants to know what love feels like. She thinks that maternal instinct will kick in and carry her through and she's finally finding the love she's been longing for her entire life.

When I see people who thrive on crisis I know it's because it's what they know or it's because they know it will make someone rush in to "save them" and they want to feel worthy of being saved. We've all been there and done that. Some of us do it occasionally in weak moments, and some of us do it because we truly have troubles over which we have no control, and some of us make it a lifestyle.

I have always known how fragile a "stable" life is. We all work hard to build them and don't acknowledge how little we really have to do with it. All around us others have lives that aren't so stable, because they had different parents, or different friends or different thoughts.

One crisis leads to another and lives spiral out of control. People grow up seeing no way to lead any other kind of life. People make bad, or mediocre, choices because they don't even understand there are other ones from which to choose. People want to be loved and don't know how to be loveable. People have accidents, they have illnesses, they have misfortunes.

We're all walking around broken. It's just a question of if they're things we can see, like long ago fused finger bones that aren't quite right, or things we keep hidden. We can't keep the symptoms hidden, however, and they manifest in dozens of different ways. We make bad choices in men, in colleges and in jobs. We don't know how to negotiate the politics of the workplace, or the delicacy of a relationship.

But, most of us learn to function. We figure out how to work around our broken parts. Even if we can't heal them, we apply a permanent ace bandage and only fall apart when it's necessary to change it. We do whatever is necessary to keep ourselves together. And we keep quiet about it.

A few years ago, very late at night after a bottle of wine, lying in our Paris hotel room, my friend Matthew turned to me and said, "You know, you seem to be keeping a lot of things 'under control' all the time." It was one of those things people only notice when you're far from home and away from what's familiar, or maybe it's only when you've had a bottle of wine. Or maybe it's because you only share your broken parts with someone you'd also share a Parisian hotel room with.

Whatever the reason, it's always frightening to know that others can spot your broken parts. You just hope they're impressed by how well you've patched them up instead of horrified by what they've made you do. I didn't ask Matthew which category mine fell into.

2007-01-20T16:27:00.000-08:00

Roys on a Snowy Day

Yes, it's true, after getting groceries I met Greg at Roy's Barbecue. He snapped a pic of me making my way in through the snow. We're either devoted or stupid. It was good, as always.

2007-01-20T13:22:00.000-08:00

Clueless Weather Forecasters

A snow plow is a welcome sight in Hutchinson today. We are getting snow - big, wet, fluffy snow. It's actually quite pretty.

Originally it was going to be at 6 p.m. today that it started. Then it was the afternoon. Last night at 10 p.m. on the news it was going to be at noon today. Well, sometime between 7 and 8 a.m. it started pouring out of the sky. It has not slowed all day.

At first we were getting 2-4 inches, then it was 4-6, then 6-8, now it's 8-12 inches.

I wish they would either learn to actually forecast the weather or stop pretending they know how. My plan was to go out this morning and grocery shop. I did, but my footsies got very wet because the snow was going over the top of my shoes. You know, that snow that wasn't starting until noon. Yeah, that snow.

Greg has arrived back in Hutchinson and I'm so very glad he's safe and sound. He, believing the forecast, left this morning, only to have to drive in snow and ice a large part of the way.

As I said to Mark one time. Weather forecaster have viper and doppler and 3d radar. They only thing they don't have is a clue.

I'm settling in for a weekend of relaxing at home. Thankfully I have everything I need to be comfy, as long as the power holds out.

2007-01-20T12:48:00.000-08:00

Hillary is In

Hillary Clinton has made it official - she's in the race for President. I was hoping for a Hillary-Barack ticket - maybe it can still happen.

She is an early favorite for the nomination, with a substantial lead over the others who have announced their intentions. She, of course, is also an exceptional fundraiser, which is an essential.

She is favored by 49% of democratic women and 29% of men. I think women are ready for a woman in the white house. Women make less war - it's a huge incentive right now.

Not surprisingly, the people who make babies are less eager to kill them.

2007-01-19T22:09:00.000-08:00

An Inconvenient Truth

This weekend is Global Warming Awareness Weekend in Hutchinson, Kansas. Officially Global Warming Awareness Weekend - city proclamation and all.

One of the central parts of the weekend is three showings of "An Inconvenient Truth," Al Gore's documentary. It's free all weekend, showing at 7:30 p.m. Saturday and 2 p.m. Sunday. Sunday afternoon they're having some additional programs, including a lecture.

Tonight Teresa, Diana, Brad and I went to see it. We were supposed to meet Cleta there, but I never found her. We ran in to lots of people we knew, of course.

Brad had seen it, but the rest of us had not. It was interesting, but also terrifying. Good grief, what a mess we've made.

I emailed about 60 people about the movie. About a dozen had plans at one time or another this weekend to go see it so hopefully they'll have a good turnout each time. There were plenty of people there tonight.

James and Betty Taylor have been instrumental in making this happen. They are so devoted to the projects they're interested in. I'm very impressed with what they've done in this case.

Teresa and I went to get a bite to eat afterwards and we were both in shock from all we had learned. Although I knew the basics, there was plenty of new information for me there.

What can you do?
1. Replace all your regular lightbulbs with energy efficient ones - if we all did that one thing we'd make a huge difference.
2. Recycle as much as you can.
3. Get others to see this documentary.

Well, I'm going to go turn my thermostat down and go to bed.

2007-01-18T23:19:00.000-08:00

Creative Projects and Creative Sisterhood

Last night I went to Diana's store to make vision collages. It's something we have heard about from multiple sources, but haven't done.

Debbie, Diana, Austin and Amy and I were there. I didn't get one made, but I found some photos I liked.

What I really want my collage to be is about making a living being me. I'm just not sure exactly what that looks like, yet, which is probably why I couldn't illustrate it with a collage yet.

Making a living being me is my number one priority. I want to get up every day and do the things I am prone to do anyway, and have that be my living. I need time to devote to my creative pursuits.

Tonight was Creative Sisterhood and it was a really great evening. Julie wasn't here but everyone else made it.

My topics were my recent job evaluation and also my trip to Texas, and how both of those have affected me and what my next step in life should be.

It was a wonderful gathering. In January we always go through our jar. Each month we write, if we want, a thought on a slip of paper and leave it in the jar. January is our time to go through it.

I was surprised tonight that it has been less than a year since some really major things happened in my life. Time seems to be moving more slowly, and I like that. I like to savor life.

2007-01-18T22:45:00.000-08:00

Catching Obesity

Lately there is more and more research about obesity being tied to a virus. It's mentioned in the Oprah magazine this month, and this is an article from Scientific American online. I provided a link below, but in case they take it down, I'm copying it over.

Some of the people who have been found to have antibodies to these viruses also happen to have low cholesterol and triglyceride readings.

We also know that if you take a person who is thin and a person who is heavy and monitor their food intake and exercise that the thin one will gain less weight than the heavy one. We don't know why, we just know it's true.

The idea that people could "catch" being fat is no doubt terrifying to many.

-----------------------
From Scientific American:

New study results bolster the controversial hypothesis that certain cases of obesity are contagious.

Over the last 20 years, some research has suggested that certain strains of human and avian adenoviruses--responsible for ailments ranging from the chest colds to pink eye--actually make individuals build up more fat cells. Having antibodies to one strain in particular, so-called Ad-36, proved to correlate with the heaviest obese people, and in one study, pairs of twins differed in heft depending on exposure to that virus. Now researchers have identified another strain of adenovirus that makes chickens plump.

Physiologist Leah Whigham of the University of Wisconsin-Madison and her colleagues inoculated young male chickens with three strains of adenovirus--Ad-2, Ad-31 and Ad-37. She and her team then monitored the chickens for three and a half weeks, recording their food intake throughout. Though the infected chickens and noninfected controls consumed the same amount of food and were exposed to the same conditions, chickens carrying Ad-37 were found to have nearly three times as much fat in their guts and more than two times as much fat over their entire body at the end of the three-and-a-half week period. The other two virus strains appeared to have little effect on weight.

"Ad-37 is the third human adenovirus to increase adiposity in animals, but not all adenoviruses produce obesity," Whigham and her fellow authors write in their report presenting the findings in the current issue of the American Journal of Physiology. Although it remains unclear exactly how Ad-37 adds fat, it joins a growing list of such viruses, including canine distemper, Ad-5 and Ad-36.

Ad-36 has been shown in an in vitro study by researcher Nikhil Dhurandhar of the Pennington Biomedical Research Center to help human cells go from having the potential to store fat to actually storing it. "I am not saying that all obesity is caused by viruses," Dhurandhar notes. "Obesity has multiple causes and viruses may be one of those causes."

Next up for study, Dhurandhar says, is the exact mechanism by which a virus could lead to obesity. This, in turn, might lead to a vaccine that could prevent Ad-36 infections. "We hope to identify the gene or genes that could be responsible for its adiposic effect," he explains. "The long-term goal is to see if we can prevent adenovirus-induced obesity."

Whether or not hand-washing will help with weight management remains to be determined. But two researchers shared a Nobel Prize this past year for their work in uncovering the bacterial root of some ulcers after years of consensus that stress caused the uncomfortable stomach affliction. "It makes people feel more comfortable to think that obesity stems from lack of control," Whigham adds. "It's a big mental leap to think you can catch obesity."

http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articleID=000EEADC-A456-13DA-A45683414B7F0000

2007-01-17T23:46:00.000-08:00

Petition

http://www.tedkennedy.com/page/s/ourdecision

You can sign a petition to support Ted Kennedy's legislation regarding escalation in Iraq. It states that any substantial new commitment in Iraq requires a plan from the administration and explicit authorization from Congress.

2007-01-16T22:16:00.000-08:00

Clearing

I am in a clearing out mood - a major mood. Tonight I've discarded clothes, furniture, momentos from old boyfriends, magazines, bed linens and a few other things.

I want my home clear of all negative energy. I am making room for new, positive things to come into my life.

I always know when I'm really ready for this sort of thing - I feel no pain over tossing things I once treasured into the trash. Such is the case tonight with things I once loved from people I once loved. C'est la vie.

It will not be much longer until I start clearing out people. That's always the final part of one of these moods.

2007-01-16T21:24:00.000-08:00

Patsy's Studio

Well, I just ran across this an art community online and decided to join. The first task is to get your studio ready, and to post some pix of it. Everyone is talking about how messy theirs are. Having no shame, I posted the following:

I am not posting pix of my studio yet because I can't even get in there to take one. How's that for messy? I have been trying to motivate myself to work on it so this is a good push to do that. I will post pix as soon as I - and a camera - can get in there. At the moment it just looks like a storage facility, which is what it basically is.

I had my hardwood floors refinished and used the studio to store furniture and such because I wasn't having those floors done - too much fun to slop paint all over the ugly tile in there.

OK, so that sounds like such a reasonable, logical excuse for a messy studio, Right? Well, here's the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey would say - I had the floors done in August. Of 2005. Now that it's 2007, that sounds like a very, very, very long time ago.

I have been thinking for a couple of weeks that not using the studio has been making me cranky. So, all the more reason to get it useable. No one likes me cranky - esp. not me.

Perhaps my role here is to make everyone else feel better about themselves.

2007-01-15T20:26:00.000-08:00

Phone Shopping

Although it was officially a holiday today I did work, including a speech this evening. But, I also got out and did some phone shopping.

I have to replace my cell phone. Yet again. I am so weary of the yearly cycle of choosing a new phone. They're all crap. I take pretty good care of my phones and at about a year old they start to lose signal more and more, and it just keeps going downhill from there.

Of course, they say the phone is fine and they say their signal is fine. Then, just about the time the phone is out of warranty, the phone suddenly has a problem that didn't exist the week before. Magic how that happens. Repeatedly.

I want a phone that places and receives calls - and does those two functions incredibly well. I don't need my phone to take photos, read email, surf the internet, play games or listen to music - I just want it to place and receive calls reliably. Unfortunately, those seem to be little more than ancillary functions anymore.

As if phone shopping were not annoying enough, today I had to deal with Jessie. The girl was totally clueless. All of that gum smacking must have killed some brain cells and this chick didn't have any to waste.

2007-01-14T00:51:00.000-08:00

Capitol Steps

Saturday evening I got to see the Capitol Steps at the Fox Theatre. I had seen them before when they performed as part of the Dillon Lecture Series a few years ago, but of course their material is always different because their focus is political satire.

Teresa had extra tickets and offered one to me. I hadn't thought I'd be here this weekend so hadn't thought much about the performance. Anyway, I eagerly accepted.

Teresa actually had six tickets so we invited Terry to join us. I called Andrea to see if she wanted to go and she was planning to buy a ticket so it worked out great. We were also able to give one to Dotty, so only one ticket went to waste. I called Jocelyn but she was snowed in in Wichita. I called Diana but she didn't respond. Julie had other plans and Cleta was babysitting. Debbie and Kathie already had tickets. Needless to say, we saw a ton of people we knew.

They didn't allow photos so I don't have any pix to share. They were funny, as always. We all loved their Supreme Court Justice take off of "Staying Alive."

After the performance, Terry, Teresa and I went to see Andrea's new place. Martha and Jim were there, too. We had some tea and some wonderful conversation. Then Terry and Teresa came back to my house and we made more tea and had more conversation.

It turned out to be a lovely evening. It is cold here - I'm not sure it has gotten up to 20 all day - but it was worth getting out in. We all had fun.

2007-01-12T22:03:00.000-08:00

Mission Accomplished

I realize you're not used to seeing the National Review mentioned here, so I apologize for the shock. But, I must point you toward the following link for their wrap up of an assessment of Bush's latest insane idea of sending yet more troops to Iraq.

Their own opinion includes the following: "Frankly, as he has over the past few weeks, Bush looked like a man who is in way over his head, which he is. The man who got the country into this hole, and whose neglect and incompetence dug us deeper into into it, looks like a man who would like nothing more than to get back to Crawford. We'd all be better off if he would."

I will copy it over at the end of this post in case it's taken down at their site, but it will lose some formatting that's important and the clickable links so I encourage you to view it at their site. It's fascinating.

http://conways.nationalreview.com/post/?q=OGNkNWZhOTM1YTQ4MjY0MTdmODFlOTdjNTM0MDQwYTU=

I had lunch with my friend, Teresa, today. She said she is starting to think Bush needs an exam to make sure he's mentally competent. I have been on vacation and not keeping up on all the details of the news, although I got the highlights, if you can call them that. However, after reading more today, I have to say I agree with her. This man is showing signs of making unsound judgements - and I don't mean in a political sense - I mean in a mentally unstable sense. He has become obsessed with this one thing and cannot see anything beyond it.

When you hold a position that almost everyone thinks is wrong you do have to consider your position. You may come to the conclusion that they just haven't caught on yet, but that examination is an important part of the process.

When you've been fighting a war for almost four years, and have been responsible for the deaths of thousands of people, and you've made no real progress - in fact it could be argued things are worse now than before you started, and most others "in the know" think your plan is not wise, you really need to consider the facts.

It is hard to believe we are only six years into the Bush presidency. It seems like it was 20 years ago that Clinton was in the White House, and we were at peace, with a surplus in the budget, prosperous, with no deficit. He was the last president before Bush. I have to keep reminding myself it was only six years ago. It seems like we've been at war forever, pouring money down the drain, killing people, increasing our debt exponentially by the hour.

In case you've lost track of what the war is costing you, you can check out http://nationalpriorities.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=182.

You can compare the costs of the war to that of public education, housing, etc. You can also see what it's costing your town. In my community of about 40,000, our cost tonight is over $34,000,000. I have not contributed a million dollars to the war effort, and yet that is quickly what my share is mounting toward. It's over that already, of course, since not everyone in my community is old enough to be paying taxes.

_____________

From Reconcilable Differences - Two Conways, Two Takes

George's Take
"Too Little, Too Late -- Way Too Late"
01/11 09:59 AM

An analysis by Thomas Ricks in today's Washington Post raises serious questions as to whether the "surge" will make any lasting difference at all:

An Army officer who recently commanded a battalion in Baghdad predicted last night that the plan would fail because Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki and his government "will do things to maintain protection" of Sadr's forces. He also dismissed as "happy talk" the president's notion that the predominantly Shiite Iraqi army and police could reassure pro-insurgent Sunni neighborhoods by conducting foot patrols through them.

Bush said it is now clear that there have not been sufficient troops in Baghdad, and that part of the difference in this approach is that the plan will be adequately resourced. Yet the total number of U.S. troops in Iraq after the planned increase will be about 153,000, less than the peak of about 165,000 in December 2005. Military experts last night wondered, as one said, how a "thin green line" of 17,500 additional soldiers in Baghdad could affect the security situation in a city where many of the 5 million residents are hostile to the U.S. presence. "Too little, too late � way too late," said retired Col. Jerry Durrant, who has worked as a trainer of Iraqi forces.

The Joint Chiefs of Staff have resisted Bush's push for more troops, according to officials familiar with internal deliberations, but recently gave in to the president's wishes. Bush said last night that top commanders reviewed the new plans to add a total of 21,500 Army and Marine forces in Baghdad and Anbar province and approved of them.

"The 'surge' is actually quite small," said retired Army Col. Andrew Bacevich, who compared it with the 206,000 additional troops that Gen. William Westmoreland requested in Vietnam in 1968. "In effect, Bush is counting on the Iraqis to pull our bacon out of the fire," Bacevich said, adding that there is no evidence that the Iraqi military and government are capable of doing so.

And over at the Corner, John Derbyshire succinctly points out the complete illogic in Bush's latest version of his strategy:

Sorry, but it struck me as a snow job, from an administration that�pretty much like the rest of us�has no clue where to go from here.

The central and most glaring contradiction is the implied threat to walk away... Yoked to the ringing declaration that, of course, we can't walk away. We seem to be saying to the Maliki govt.: "Hey, you guys better step up to your responsibilites, or else we're outa here." This, a few sentences after saying that we can't leave the place without a victory. So-o-o-o:

�-We can't leave Iraq without a victory.

�-Unless Maliki & Co. get their act together, we can't achieve victory.

�-If Maliki & Co. don't get their act together, we'll leave.

It's been a while since I studied classical logic, but it seems to me that this syllogism leaks like a sieve.

Derb also rightly points that it's hard to take seriously the implied threats Bush seems to be making to Iran and Syria:

The President: "Iran is providing material support for attacks on American troops. We will disrupt the attacks on our forces. We will interrupt the flow of support from Iran and Syria." We haven't been doing this? We haven't been doing this? How many of the the 21,500 troops of the "surge" will be assigned to these operations? Leaving how many for Baghdad and Anbar? Shall we have a "hot pursuit" policy?

And, returning to the issue of sticks: What, exactly, do Iran and Syria have to fear from us, whatever they do?

Andy McCarthy pretty much makes the same point:

In any event, most telling was one administration official�s sense that our forces in Iraq had �sure sent a signal to the Iranians� by detaining the Iranian military officials who were captured in raids in mid-December. Yet, even as the president was preparing his new strategy, even as he was readying the words of warning he uttered so forcefully last night, those Iranians were released by the Maliki government and sent back to Iran after about a week in custody.

What signal can this have sent? This one: If you�re an Iranian in Iraq helping to kill American troops, the comeuppance is that we�ll hold you for a few days and then send you back home.

Actions, the old saw tells us, speak louder than words. Given our actions, and what they imply about our sentiments, it�s going to take a lot more than last night�s rhetoric to make an impression on Iran and Syria.

Indeed, Ahmadinejad and Assad should be thrilled that Bush is tying up more assets in Baghdad and Anbar. They've got us right where they want us.

So much for substance. On style, Tom Shales correctly remarks {in the Washington Post] how tense, anxious and rigid Bush looked last night. Frankly, as he has over the past few weeks, Bush looked like a man who is in way over his head, which he is. The man who got the country into this hole, and whose neglect and incompetence dug us deeper into into it, looks like a man who would like nothing more than to get back to Crawford. We'd all be better off if he would.

2007-01-12T14:43:00.000-08:00

Candy Darling

Wednesday afternoon I went to the Austin Museum of Art to see the exhibit, "Radical NY." It was about the era when avant garde art really came into its own in the 70s. Keith Haring, Andy Warhol, Robert Mapplethorpe and many others were represented.

One of the most striking pieces was Peter Hujar's photograph, "Candy Darling on her Deathbed." Seeing an image online or in print is never the same as seeing it in person. I found it online in numerous places, and put one here to illustrate, but seeing the actual print gives tone and color you just can't replicate.

Candy Darling, born James Lawrence Slattery, was a transsexual actress who appeared in Warhol films, as well as others. Candy died of leukemia in 1974, at only 29, apparently a side effect of the hormones.

Candy's funeral was attended by Julie Newmar, Gloria Swanson, and a host of other celebrities of the day.

This photograph was taken, literally, on her death bed. Apparently she maintained her look, with complete makeup, until the end.

Candy was the inspiration for Lou Reed's song, "Walk on the Wild Side." I went and looked up the lyrics since it had been awhile since I had heard it. Candy is the one associated with the most famous line of the song. Most guys who loved that line probably had no idea that "Candy" was a pre-op transsexual. Candy apparently referred to the penis as "my flaw."

In the process of finding those lyrics, I found information saying Candy also inspired Reed's song, "Candy Says," recorded on the Velvet Underground's third album. This is not a tune I know, but I listened to a bit of it online and it is haunting.

This image was used in the last couple of years as cover art for "I Am a Bird Now" by Antony Hegarty of Antony and the Johnsons fame. In a "full circle" way, it was Lou Reed who garnered more attention for Antony after hearing an early recording.

Reed, and Boy George, are guest vocalists on "I Am a Bird Now." Reed also made an appearance on the earlier "The Lake." Antony has quite a following, including Kate Bush, Bjork, Philip Glass and Laurie Anderson, who was also represented in the Radical NY exhibit I went to see. Connections are amazing, aren't they?

Antony and the Johnsons consider many aspects of the transgender life in their music. Antony is transgender and sings songs like "For Today I am a Boy," which chronicles a boy's dream of growing up to be a woman.

OK, so it's not a dream every young boy has, but not everyone can grow up to be a fireman.

Walk On The Wild Side Lyrics

Holly came from Miami, F.L.A.
Hitch-hiked her way across the USA
Plucked her eyebrows on the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says, Hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
Hey honey
Take a walk on the wild side

Candy came from out on the Island
In the backroom she was everybody's darlin'
But she never lost her head
Even when she was giving head
She says, Hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
I Said, Hey baby
Take a walk on the wild side
And the coloured girls go
doo do doo do doo do do doo..

Little Joe never once gave it away
Everybody had to pay and pay
A hustle here and a hustle there
New York City's the place where they say,
Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side
I said, Hey Joe
Take a walk on the wild side

Sugar Plum Fairy came and hit the streets
Lookin' for soul food and a place to eat
Went to the Apollo
You should've seen em go go go
They said, Hey shuga Take a walk on the wild side
I Said, Hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
All right, huh

Jackie is just speeding away
Thought she was James Dean for a day
Then I guess she had to crash
Valium would have helped that bash
Said, Hey babe,
Take a walk on the wild side
I said, Hey honey,
Take a walk on the wild side
and the coloured girls say,
doo do doo do doo do do doo

Candy Says Lyrics

Candy says, I've come to hate my body
And all that it requires in this world

Candy says, I'd like to know completely
What all they discretely talk about

I'm gonna watch the blue birds fly
over my shoulder
I'm gonna watch them pass me by
maybe when I'm older

What do you think I'd see
if I could walk away from me

Candy says, I hate the quiet places
That cause the smallest taste of what will be

Candy says, I hate the big decisions
That cause endless revisions in my mind

I'm gonna watch the bluebirds fly
over my shoulder
I'm gonna watch them pass me by
maybe when I'm older

What do you think I'd see
if I could walk away from me

2007-01-11T21:17:00.000-08:00

Home Sooner Than Expected

I am back in Hutchinson, although I had not planned to return until Sunday.

This morning I woke up in Austin where I had a full day of tourist activities planned. However, after CNN described the ice storm headed for Oklahoma as "devastating," I decided I would have to forgo my plans.

I didn't even get to eat the Magnolia Cafe, which was high on my list. The plan was for breakfast there this morning but I was busy throwing my things in my bag and hitting the road instead.

We are supposed to get some ice here, but it sounds like Oklahoma is going to get it much worse. I just happened to be where I needed to drive all the way across Oklahoma, north to south.While I had planned to do that Saturday/Sunday it seems unlikely anyone will want to by then.

So, I'm home.

2007-01-10T20:17:00.000-08:00

Saturday I went to see "Collecting the Impressionists," a special exhibit at the San Antonio Museum of Art, which consisted of 12 paintings from the Sterling and Francine Clark Art Institute of Williamstown, Massachusetts.

While 12 paintings may not seem like much of an exhibit, in this case it wsa extraordinary. Included were the following:

Renoir - "Onions" - 1881
Renoir - "At the Concert" - 1880
Renoir - "A Girl with a Fan" - 1879-80?
Pissaro - "Piette's House at Montfoucault" - 1874
Manet - "Moss Roses in Vase" - 1882
Renoir - "A Girl Crocheting" - c. 1875
Pissaro - "The River Oise near Pontoise" - c. 1873
Renoir - "Self Portrait" - c. 1875
Monet - "The Duck Pond" - 1874
Degas - "The Dancing Lesson" - 1880
Morisot - "The Bath (Girl Arranging her Hair)" - 1885-86
Monet - "Spring in Giverny" - 1890

Robert Sterling Clark was the grandson of one of the founders of the Singer Sewing Machine Company. He began collecting art, but it was his French wife, Francine, who directed him toward the impressionists.

Renoir's "A Girl Crocheting" was the first impressionist painting they purchased and Renoir was to remain a favorite. They owned 39 paintings by Renoir, more than any other artist in their collection. By comparison, they owned seven works by Pissaro and the same number by Monet.

One of the highlights of this exhibit is "Onions," the atypical Renoir painting included. The vibrant colors and the vigorous brushstrokes are quintessential Renoir, but applied to a different subject. Clark said it was one of his favorites, and one that was always noticed by a dealer who visited their home where it was hung.

The Renoir self-portrait was done when he was 34 and shows the artist with a penetrating gaze. Renoir referred to it as a "paltry sketch" but did exhibit it in the 1876 impressionist exhibit. He did not apply the same delicate touch to his own skin tone that he gave to the women and girls he painted regularly.

The other three Renoir works are more typical - all include young women in various settings with the beautiful skin he is known for. The painting of girls at a concert is also a minor art lesson with all the triangular shapes present from the neckline to the position of bent arms and the paper around the roses, not to mention the central rose on the woman's dress.

The Degas is his traditional subject of ballet dancers, but its composition is unusual. It's painted on a diagonal and a splash of color on the costume of the central dancer draws your eye.

The two Monet works are both plein air. The Duck Pond is a study in color, with all the oranges and blues present. "Spring in Giverny" combines the beautiful, ethereal landscapes he is known for, but you can also glimpse what is to come in his later years in the building that is thought to be the rail station. It's as if the future is there in the distance. Unlike the trees, which are soft and delicate, the building has the broader brush strokes and thicker paint seen more often in his later works, particularly the final works he gave to the French state, his waterlillies series that hangs in Paris.

The two Pissaro paintings in this exhibit are both from the first years of the impressionist movement. Pissaro was the only artist to show in all eight of the original exhibits between 1874-1886.

The Morisot painting included is one that Monet owned the last 30 years of his life. The Clarks bought it in 1949 from his heirs. It's always curious to me to see what other artists value.

The Manet painting shown here expresses his unique place in the story of the impressionists. He was always rooted in the more traditional art world, but willing to experiment too. This painting is a perfect synthesis of the two things - a traditional subject of flowers in a vase - given an impressionist treatment.

This exhibit has left San Antonio now and will open at the Norton Museum of Art in West Palm Beach, Florida on Jan. 20. It will run until March 11, 2007.

After that it will go to the Joslyn Art Museum in Omaha, Nebraska. It will be there from March 24 t0 May 13, 2007.

My hope is to see it again in Nebraska. The Joslyn is a good museum. They have one of the Degas sculptures of the dancer with the fabric tutu. There are only 14 of them. The Clark exhibit will probably get me up there for another visit.

2007-01-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

I have been at an MHA conference that ends today. I'm packing up my stuff during a break so I can check out of this nice hotel. I so love nice hotels, but I digress.

As always, this has been an interesting conference. Mental Health is a fascinating field to be in and the people working in it are highly intelligent and incredibly passionate. One of them summed it up by saying she got into the field because it was a civil rights issue that people with mental illness were not treated well and she wanted to change that. I think she summed up what many who work in the field feel.

I've been doing this almost five years so I've heard some of it before, but there is always something new. We talk more and more about total wellness these days, which I think is positive. Why we think what happens above the neck is not important as opposed to below the neck, I'm not sure. But that is changing. Thankfully.

I will leave with piles of information and tons of new information to share in the coming months. I enjoy public speaking and part of the reason is that it's great to be able to get the information out that's important to all of us.

2007-01-08T20:16:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I heard a gentleman here from the CDC talking about the ACE study. This is a very large, ongoing study, with fascinating outcomes.

ACE stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences - it's another way of saying emotional, physical or sexual abuse; neglect; substance abuse by parents; violence toward mother; divorce or separation of parents; incarceration of parent, etc. etc. etc. The list of adverse childhood experiences is so long it's hard to quantify.

What we know is that there is a relationship between the number of these a child has and their later health - physical and mental.

Adverse Childhood Experiences lead to social, emotional and cognitive impairment, which leads to high risk behaviors that gives us disease, disapbility and social problems and ultimately lead to an early death. The trick is to figure out how those experiences lead to the impairment which leads to the risky behavior - we know it does, we just don't know why. Yet. We will. Then the question will become what to do about it.

Interestingly enough, most of us have one or more ACEs - about 34 percent of women and 38% of men report none. The rest of us fall into the scale somewhere else. But, it's cumulative - if you have one you're at less risk than if you have three. By the time you have four there doesn't seem to be much distinction above that - i.e. having four is about the same risk as having seven.

When you look at the population as a whole, you find that behaviors such as smoking, risky sexual behavior, alcohol abuse, etc. do not fall randomly into the population. They cluster, and people who have one risk factor tend to have others. That's what prompted the research. The common factor is ACEs and how many of them we have.

This is important stuff - there is a correlation between these and everything from obesity to STDs to diabetes to heart disease.

This is not new research, but it is onoing. You can read more about it at http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/ace/index.htm. It's exciting, but also painful. This is just one more example of how our mental health affects our physical health. There are new ones every single day, it seems, but still in most places insurance companies are not required to cover your mental health the same way they are to cover your physical health.

Did you know that people who are depressed are four times more likely to have a heart attack? But, we'd rather treat the damage to the heart muscle instead of treating the depression. By the way, the success rate with treating heart disease is about 45%, while the success rate with treating mental illness is about 85%. So, we'd rather wait until the person has a greater chance of dying before we do anything. There's some good thinking. Newt Gingrich is right when he says the health care system in the US is so broken it just needs to be thrown out and we need to start over.

What can you do? Bug your representatives. There's a good chance the Wellstone bill will pass in this session of congress with democrats in control and insurance companies will have to cover mental health sufficiently. The votes have been there to pass it, but republicans would not bring it to a vote. With democrats in control, mental health advocates think it will be brought to a vote and pass.

Oh, and when the lobbyists tell you how expensive it's going to be to cover everyone, they're lying. In Vermont, the only state that has true parity (equal coverage for mental and physical health), it did not cause a dramatic increase in premiums - it just meant that people got care and insurance companies made a tiny bit less money. How often do you hear of them going out of business? Exactly.

Many health insurance plans cover mental health at only $10,000 for a lifetime. Guess how long that takes to use up? It would be like saying heart disease is only covered for the first $10,000. Families mortgage everything they own to get care for their children. People go bankrupt. People lose their homes. Surely we can put an end to such foolishness. Surely.

2007-01-07T23:01:00.000-08:00

I have spent part of the day today looking at art - impressionist art - Monet's art. Needless to say, I've had a great day.

Seeing particular pieces of art seems to, literally, feed my soul. I have a physical, as well as emotional, reaction to some artwork. inner being is soaking up the experience.

Monet and Renoir almost always have that effect on me - not always, but almost. Other artists can impact me that way as well. Today a Chagall painting really struck a cord with me, even though he is not one of my favorite artists.

I'm sharing this close up I took today of a study Monet did for his final waterlilies paintings. I couldn't use flash, so it's not the best photo, but it does show the texture in the paint, which is one of the things I love in this work.

This is one of the reasons seeing a photo or print of a painting is not at all like seeing it in person - you miss all those details.

2007-01-06T23:41:00.000-08:00

I'm watching a rerun of the first Harry Potter movie. Gosh, they look so young. I am so impressed with this series of books. I cannot wait for the next one.

Of course, I refuse to believe the ending of the last book. It simply cannot be true.

2007-01-02T21:18:00.000-08:00

Back to Real Life

It's time to get back to real life. I always find this difficult and it makes me think I need to change my daily life. You shouldn't want to escape it - you should be loving it.

Of course, there are always parts of every day I love and today was no exception. I got to have lunch with Teresa and it was fun to see her and catch up on the holidays. I also popped in to say hi to Diana after lunch.

Otherwise, I've been working on things all day. I have a ton of things to get done. I haven't even gotten the car completely unpacked yet. But I've managed to trash my living room in just getting a few things out.

One cool part of my day was I took the birthday and Christmas money I got from Greg's mom and purchased an expansion card for my PDA. So, now I can listen to podcasts at length, which I will love. Whenever people give me money I try to buy something specific with it instead of letting it just be frittered away in the usual way money goes through people's hands.

I have thought about buying an Ipod but now I want to see what happens with the Zune. And, if I just use my PDA I only have to carry one device.

The trick now is to find some comfy headphones. I've bought two different ones and they are both too big for my ears. My ears, apparently, are smaller than the norm. I honestly had no idea - not like you see the inside of your ears very often - but there you go. Anyway, finding some comfy headphones would complete the setup now.

In sad news, Greg's mom had to let Miss Kitty go today. She has been ill and I suspected they were not going to get a good report from the vet today. I don't know all the details, but I'm sad about it.

I think I was the first to meet Miss Kitty when she wandered up onto Greg's mom's porch about 10 years ago. I said hello to her and petted her and pretty soon Greg's mom had a cat. In true cat fashion, I think she was never more adorable than when she was making that first impression. That's how cats are - they know when to turn on the charm - they are marketing geniuses.

I was already familiar with this because Greg and I had a 16 pound cat who had made himself at home in our lives a bit before then. Come to think of it, I was the first one who met him, too. That first meeting involved some tuna fish and, not surprisingly, he returned and pretty soon Greg and I had a cat.

It's very hard to lose a pet, but letting them go becomes the last act of love you can give them. I know it's going to be hard on her, as well as Greg and Steve who are both there. I will miss her, too.

2007-01-01T21:21:00.000-08:00

Kansas

I arrived at my home tonight to find a dusting of snow still at the edge of the sidewalk. It was a beautiful day to drive - sunny and warm.

I stopped in Joplin and had a late lunch with Greg, Mia and Miss Joy. I didn't get home until about 9:30 tonight and I've been trying to get a couple of things done before bed but I am tired tonight.

I didn't get much sleep last night. I stayed up too late to get up as early as I did. Even I do need some sleep.

I'm happy to see that the Christmas tree is not leaning anymore than it was when I left. It needs some major engineering before next year. I need a welder.

Tomorrow I will unload the car and try to get things in a bit of order. It's amazing that things can get so messed up so easily. How do people keep their houses clean all the time?

2006-12-31T23:39:00.000-08:00

I have spent the day seeing Little Rock and visiting the Clinton Library. I managed to see some other tourist sites and enjoy some local cuisine today. And I still had all the time I needed at the library.

At one time friends invited me to come here so we could see it together. But, I couldn't go the weekend they had in mind and they didn't want to wait. I was really disappointed, but things work out the way they're supposed to. There's no point in crying over spilled milk as they say.

Today was a good time for me to be here. There was a special exhibit of Christmas things from the Clinton years. Considering how much I love the holidays that was perfect.

They also had a book of condolences to be sent to Gerald Ford's family.

Many people were signing it. Obviously, regardless of a person's politics, everyone understands grief.

Being at the library today reminded me of just how much I miss having Bill Clinton in the White House. He is such a smart man. I love smart men. I really love them in high office. I miss him. I want him back in the white house again.

I also visited Central High - famous for the Little Rock Nine, I saw the Quapaw District, and went to Pugh's Mill which I really enjoyed. I also took in some local cuisine. It has been a busy day.

It is now, officially, 2007. May this be a year when we see peace again. Going through the library today I was reminded of what it's like to live in a country where prosperity is the greatest in decades and we're at peace. It seems like it was so long ago, so very long ago. I want it back.

2006-12-31T21:36:00.000-08:00

I have been intending to post some photos from Christmas, but just haven't gotten around to it. I thought I'd best get it done before 2007 arrives. I have 61 minutes.

My packages this year were shiny red with silver snowflakes. I was tickled to find silver snowflake ornaments that were the perfect accompaniment. I used different kinds of silver ribbons to accent. It worked pretty well. Still not sure what I'm doing this coming year.

Even Mary Ann got into the spirit of matching paper and ornaments this year. Cathy says Kim and I are not getting to her, though. :)

The big news for me this Christmas was that I got to be with both my brothers. We took some pix together about 15 years ago and hadn't had any since. So, one night at Kim's when we were all there, we took some snapshots. That's me, Jim and Jackie.

I also got to see Johnny, who I hadn't seen in ages. That's him with his parents, Mattie and Jim.

I think we did something every night and while it's great fun, we were all starting to get worn out. I arrived on the 23rd. On the 24th we were at Cathy's. BC and his girlfriend, Kaitlyn, got to open a couple of presents and me too since I had a birthday present there.

Christmas day everyone was there and it was great fun. I think Dylan summed up the afternoon for us.

But, after a little rest, we were able to laugh a bit more the next day. Dylan's girlfriend, Whitney, and a bunch of others were playing a game. I'm blessed to come from a family where we laugh a lot.

We were all happy to see Mia again. Nic and Andy arrived the day after Christmas. Even though we'd just seen her in October she had grown - of course. She's now six months old.

She became the star of the show. None of us could leave her alone. The poor little thing likes to lay down and we barely give her a chance.

She is a really good baby - very laid back - and very easy going. Nic and Andy seem really happy and I am so impressed with their parenting. They're both attentive without over doing it - a perfect mix.

This is Mary Ann and Jackie's first great grandchild.

And it's Jackie and Kim's first grandchild.

Cathy, like the rest of us, can't get enough of her.

There are more photos, naturally, but I'm going to pack this in before 2007 arrives without me getting this online!

2006-12-30T20:46:00.000-08:00

I am in Little Rock, having my own little retreat. I arrived tonight in the midst of a rain storm that has been unrelenting. Fortunately, it was not raining hard until shortly before I arrived. I didn't even go out to dinner but ordered pizza from a local spot - Le Star Pizzaria. It was very good and I've spent the evening writing.

Journaling with pen and paper has been difficult for me over the last bit of my life but I know it is an essential for me to stay on track. So, a couple of nights ago I made myself do it. And again tonight. Of course, now that I'm started it seems hard to stop. That's good.

Tomorrow I will go to the Clinton Library. I have never visited a presidential library, although I live a little over an hour from the Eisenhower one. But, I thought Clinton's should be the first one I go to since he's the only president I've voted for who got into office.

Tomorrow night I'm going to stay here again, and go home on Monday. It's fortunate Terry can house-sit for me. That makes it easier to be gone.

My plan is to use tomorrow night to do some more soul searching. It's New Year's Eve and I do not want to be on the road with the drinkers, so I will be here. It's also a good time for contemplation.

I have identified some ugly things in me and I want to exorcise them before a new year begins. Always best to leave the past year behind and start with a fresh slate.

On the world stage, the country is mourning the loss of Gerald Ford. Regardless of what you thought of him and his politics, he was a man you could respect.

And, although it has been little more than a footnote, Saddam Hussein was hanged yesterday. I am afraid that is not going to be good for the soldiers in Iraq. I can't figure out why, exactly, but it seems any dramatic event is bad and that is certainly a dramatic event. I'm not sure what people feel has been accomplished by this, but I hope it doesn't lead to more deaths.

2006-12-28T21:48:00.000-08:00

It occurred to me while watching the local news today that one way to keep your children close by is to teach them habits that make it impossible for them to function in the world at large. I was thinking specifically of bigotry today - if you raise your child a bigot they won't be able to go forth and function - so you'll keep them very close by you and in whatever circumstance you function in as a bigot. It's very sad.

I would think any parent would want their child to be able to function in any circumstance. But, obviously, that is not the case.

The Amish are right in this regard. They don't believe in school past the 8th grade because that gives children "worldly" ideas. Same principle - different application.

2006-12-26T20:38:00.000-08:00

I am so not a shopper in general, but Dec. 26 is one day when I am a die hard shopper. I left my brother's house at 4 a.m. - even before he got up to go duck hunting.

I was in Paducah when things started opening and made the rounds. Fortunately, Greg got the Hallmark ornaments I wanted because the stores here are messing with the system - only giving 40% off or not marking things down. I didn't have to play their game since Greg was getting stuff for me. I am getting really darned close to being fed up with the whole business of trying to get every Barbie ornament and playing all these silly games trying to out guess the retailers and the manufacturers. At some point one gets tired of it and I am just about there.

Mainly I got ornaments for small, theme trees. Next year I think I'm doing a lime green, pink and cream tree - provided I have enough stuff to go on it. I'll have to see how much I've amassed in the last few years. It somes takes 3-5 years for me to gather up enough different stuff to make a pretty theme tree. I made an impromptu trip into Micheal's today and got these wonderful pink ornies for that tree, so I was glad I did that.

I also picked up a lot of blue things. I have a blue, white and silver tree, but I want to change the look of it a bit. I've been doing the same thing for a long time - it needs a new look.

Lots of places had either nothing left or practically nothing.

My biggest bargain of the day was a $30 cookie sheet for $4.99 at Elder Berman. They were on sale and I had a $10 off coupon so it was a great deal. I really wanted two of them, but I only had one coupon. So, there you go.

I'm headed out tomorrow for the annual Bath and Body sale - something I adore. I'll lay in some supplies for the coming year. Everyone has their indulgences, and that's one of mine.

Tonight we gathered at Kim and Jackie's to see Andy, Nic and Mia. Mia has grown since we saw her in October. We had Christmas with them and it was fun. Naturally, Mia was a bit oblivious to the whole thing, but I'm sure next year she'll be much more into it.

This afternoon, after shopping, I stopped by Mattie and Jim's new house. It's really cute. I really like it - it's nice. Johnny was there and I got to visit with him and that was great. I haven't had time to just talk to him in probably 10-15 years. When we were growing up I was closest in age to him and Bob so we spent a lot of time together. It was really good to talk with him.

They came over to Kim's tonight, along with Chrissy, who I hadn't seen in ages. I just love, love, love, love, love having both my brothers and sisters in law in one area. Because when they're there, everyone else comes to them. So, I get to see everyone with just one visit. Frankly, it makes me want to live here, too. I don't want to be the missing piece of the puzzle.

2006-12-25T19:26:00.000-08:00

It has been a delightful day of Christmas celebration. We are so incredibly blessed.

I scored with four presents this year, which is a good average. My brother Jackie loved his hand warmers for duck hunting, Cathy liked her jacket, Mary Ann liked her jar opener and Dylan liked his laptop backpack. I liked that, too, but I was glad I gave it to him since he enjoyed it.

I will leave my brother's a little after 4 in the morning to be there when the stores start to open. My big hunt will be for next year's wrapping paper. I have a "thing" about wrapping paper - even I don't fully comprehend it - I just know I love it.

I will try to post some photos in the next day or two. Tomorrow Andy and Nic are coming down and I'll get to see them and baby Mia. So, that will be fun. We'll do Christmas with them tomorrow night.

Well, I'd best get some sleep so I'm able to bargain shop tomorrow. I know it's silly, but I like it. So, there you go.

2006-12-24T21:11:00.000-08:00

In a little less than an hour it will officially be Christmas. I always remind people you only get so many Christmases in a lifetime, so you should enjoy each one.

We have had a full day today. I finished my presents, tying on the ornaments and doing some last minute wrapping of a couple of things that would not travel well wrapped so had to be done on this end.

It is a joke in my family that Kim and I like to have coordinating paper and this year Mary Ann has done the same, complete with ornaments.

Jim and Mattie came out for a little bit today so I got to see them and it was good. They will be here tomorrow, too, and I'm really looking forward to being with everyone on Christmas day.

I went to Christmas eve services and it was great to be there. It's always a moving experience and it's good to see people I haven't seen in decades, that were kids when I was a kid. Lives can take such different paths - people younger than me are grandparents now and the mere thought of raising a child still overwhelms me. I guess that's part of what makes the world interesting - different things for different people.

We went to Cathy and Bob's tonight after services, and we will go up there in the morning to see what Santa brings BC. It will be a busy day filled with laughter, and it's hard to beat that.

I hope your day is perfect, whether it's with family, friends or your own good company. Enjoy it! Merry Christmas.

2006-12-23T22:04:00.000-08:00

I'm home in Kentucky. Although I've lived elsewhere for more of my life, I spent the first 17 years in Ballard County, and I guess it will always be "home."

Tonight when I got off the interstate and headed toward Cairo, Illinois, the air became thick with fog. I realized that it's always then that I feel at home - when the air is filled with moisture from the rivers. It has nothing to do with state lines, which are in close proximity here, but it is all about the air.

The air is heavy and rich and visible. You breathe it in and your lungs feel full, as if they're being fed. We breathe in the rivers - literally - it nourishes our lungs, our bodies, our souls.

I'm not sure I'll ever feel at home in a place where the air is dry. Where instead of giving you moisture, it's trying to suck it out of your body. Where your skin and lips and hands are cracked and parched because the very air is taking your body's moisture from you.

I love the feeling of the moist air, surrounding me and everything else. It doesn't part when we approach, we're simply able to meld with it and become one. It envelopes us in the rivers from the safety of dry land.

I stopped at the confluence, as I always do. It was very quiet tonight with no boats docked nearby, which is very unusual. The stars were brilliant, and I could hear the water lapping at the edge of the bank. And, in the distance, the distinctive sound of tug boats, a given in this area.

When I drove across the bridge I did so with all the windows rolled down to get the full effect. I always do that, unless it's pouring rain. But, a little rain I don't mind and snow I relish. Tonight is clear and cool. And wet.

I have breathed in the rivers, tiny droplets at a time. I am nourished.

2006-12-21T20:56:00.000-08:00

Tree

The Lope came by to take in the Christmas Tree. Read more about his visit at www.thelope.blogspot.com.

2006-12-20T23:55:00.000-08:00

Shopping

Well, I generally do all my Christmas shopping early, but this year I just didn't find the goodies I expected along the way so I have been out today finishing up. I think I have only a couple of things left.

It's kind of fun to be out in the hustle and bustle. Of course, I didn't think that when this guy literally ran me off the road tonight, so I was driving on the shoulder. Then, of course, he slows down, like he can't figure out why I'm driving on the shoulder. I just assumed he was having a rough day and let it go.

It's fun picking out things for people. Hopefully I got some decent goodies. And if not, I got the second most highly sought after Christmas present - the gift receipt. (The first being cash, of course!)

2006-12-19T22:00:00.000-08:00

I've been a good girl

I have been a good girl this year - you can tell because Santa has already come to my house to pose for a photo with me.

This is actually one of Santa's helpers, aka Gary Hughes. His wife, Peggy, is on my board of directors. I had my board over for dinner tonight to thank them for their help the past year. Being on a board is a ton of work, and it often goes without even a thank you.

We had a good turn out, with most of the board here. I have been blessed to have a great board the entire time I've had this job.

I cooked soups - chili, potato, black bean and veggie. I froze a little bit of the black bean, had two bowls of the veggie left that Greg and Jordan are eating, and sent the little bit of chili home with Trish. There is one bowl of potato in the fridge. So it all worked out pretty well.

They enjoyed the carrot cake and lemon tarts. Andrea, from the board, brought peppernuts, which I love but rarely make. I will be enjoying those over the next few days. It's a secret recipe from her husband's side of the family. She said they were married about 15 years before it was deemed OK to share the recipe with her. However, she said she'd share it with me so I'm tickled about that. They are tasty little treats.

Trish stayed after everyone else so we could talk about a few things regarding the election. I'm working on a postcard for her to use and have also been working on her website tonight. I know she will do a great job so I want to work to get her elected.

I have been cleaning up from tonight and am almost done. I have one more load of dishes and that will be it. This was my last official gathering of the 2006 holiday season. It's a little sad. I wish I had another couple of weeks to enjoy the season - it just goes too fast.

The saddest part of the evening was that Julie told me tonight she never got my card and the invitation to my Christmas party. I wish I had known because I would have so liked for her to be here but she felt awkward when it didn't arrive. I can understand that, but wish I had chatted with her on the phone before then - I was just so occupied getting ready I didn't call anyone. I just assumed she would know she was invited. She just assumed she would get an invitation.

Ordinarily, I would have no idea if I had sent a particular one or not - figuring I could have done something wrong in the sort - but in this particular case I know I did it because I printed a new envelope and added her husband's name. Were it not for that I'd have no idea - but I remember doing that.

It hasn't come back to me and it hasn't arrived at her house so I have no idea where it is. She lives less than five miles from me - you'd think that wouldn't be a problem. It was probably mangled by a postal machine and they just haven't fessed up to it yet.

I'm amazed things work as well as they do in the postal service generally, but it's sure disappointing in this case. I feel awful that Julie missed out. I was feeling sad that she didn't come. She was feeling sad thinking she wasn't invited. Just a big mess up all around that isn't anyone's "fault," but I'm sure sorry about it all.

Well, it's time for me to head to bed. I didn't sleep well last night and I need some rest!

2006-12-16T23:06:00.000-08:00

Leadership Gathering

It was nice to see folks from my leadership class. We had a good turn out - although there were people I really wished could come who weren't able to. Well, it would have been nice if everyone could have been here but that just isn't reasonable to expect during the holidays.

There was much laughter and that's always a good thing.

It was an ongoing joke that Connie was telling her boyfriend, Larry, to not touch the tree in case it started an avalanche of things falling. Dennis' wife, Sonja, was telling him the same thing. I assured them they could touch the tree, that nothing bad would happen. Eventually Connie couldn't resist, either.

Larry admired some blue bell-shaped ornaments I had on the tree, so I gave him one of them to take home. At one time I had four of them, but I think I've broken a couple. But, I had two so I sent one of them home with him since he like them. I love to share things like that. I

It was nice to see folks again. Leadership is definitely a bonding experience.

One of the things I made tonight was Heavenly Hash Brownies. A number of people asked for the recipe so I said I would just post it here. I've been making these for awhile, but I'm not sure how long.

One of the first times I made them was for the opening of Pat Mitchell's studio. That seems like it was a lifetime ago, even though it wasn't that many years ago. Pat died in 2001 and she didn't have the studio too many years before that.

Life moves fast, very fast. Hard to believe that painting above my fireplace that she did has only been here less than five years. I've been in this house less than 5 years - Tuesday is the five year anniversary of when I closed. I moved in March the following year. That painting was the first thing I put up. In some ways I feel like I've lived here forever. In others it seems it was just the briefest of moments when I was making plans to spend the first night here.

One thing is for sure - life moves at a fast pace.

Heavenly Hash Brownies

4 eggs
2 cups sugar
1 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup margarine, melted
1/3 cup cocoa
1 1/2 cups pecans (optional)

1 1/2 cups mini marshmallows

Combine eggs, sugar, flour and vanilla. Melt margarine and add cocoa. Add that mixture to the flour mixture and beat well. Add nuts. Bake in a 9 by 13 pan at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes.

When out of the oven, cover with marshmallows and return to oven briefly to melt. Pour over frosting. Let cool before cutting.

Frosting
1/2 cup margarine
1/3 cup milk
3 T cocoa
1 pound powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla

2006-12-14T19:51:00.000-08:00

Breaking News!

My friend, Trish Rose, told us tonight she is running for city council. I'm so excited for her, and for the community. I know she will be fabulous. I'm tickled. I asked if I could share it here and she graciously agreed. So, get ready to vote in April!

2006-12-14T10:38:00.000-08:00

Polar Express and More

Greg and I went to see The Polar Express at the Cosmosphere last night. They have an IMAX screen and it was really cool to see it there. Frankly, I liked it better than I did in the theatre originally.

I'm enjoying the holiday season immensely. Last night Teresa brought her mom over to see the tree. I love to share, so I was glad she could come. She was talking about divinity and how much she loves it. I haven't made any yet this year but if I do I'll make sure to save some for her.

I'm pretty much glued to the computer today. I have a ton of year end things to get out the door for the MHA and some prep things to do for things happening in January and February too.

I have a lot of financial things to do and that is my least favorite. But, it has to be done so I'm going to just get it done and be done with it. I don't trust myself with detail things so I have to check and double check and then have the accountant triple check. It's just time consuming and brain draining for me.

Tonight is our Chicks gathering. I'm not sure what to take, yet, but I guess I need to figure that out pretty shortly. It will be good to see everyone. I have my ornament for our exchange ready to go so at least that's done.

2006-12-13T19:55:00.000-08:00

The Reason for the Season

If one more person says "Remember the Reason for the Season" to me, I may explode with a long list of expletives that are not part of my normal speech pattern. Why? Well, because it's generally only used by people who want to point out to you that you - obviously - have no concept of what Christmas is, historically, really about.

I know all about what it is historically about - pagan beginnings to what is now a Christian celebration. I got it.

Just because I happen to like having a pretty tree, sending cards and wrapping presents in coordinating paper does not mean I have no concept of the religious meaning of the holiday. Nor, frankly, is that any of your business.

Even if I cut you the slack that it's kind of you to be concerned about my immortal soul, one "Remember the Reason for the Season" is sufficient. This week, one person has felt it necessary to say it to me in email twice, despite my ignoring it the first time. I chose not to respond to her latest email lest my fingers type expletives against my will.

I'm not sure reducing a religion to a catchy slogan is something I want to participate in, anyway. And, I hate to be the bearer of what must be unpleasant news for her, but Christmas is also about more than religion as well. It is an economic engine in our society, it is a time for family, it is a time for friends, it's a time for carols, cookies and charity.

Of course, for those of us who are Christians, Christmas is also about Christ. I just like to keep my religion private. When did that become such a crime? When did it become accepted that a person who isn't wearing their religion on their sleeve has none?

Some of us can practice our faith without trying to shame others into doing it our way. We also don't feel the need to reduce our belief system to one pithy phrase that can be repeated ad nauseum.

2006-12-12T22:27:00.000-08:00

Organizing

I've been trying to organize my desk tonight. How does it become PILED with stuff in only a couple of days? Maybe I need yet more shelving. I need something. I also think part of it is the speed with which things come into my life - it's too fast for me to keep up.

We had a screening this afternoon and weren't very busy so I had an opportunity to chat with the social worker, who was someone I hadn't met before. He was really a pleasant guy and it was nice to get to know him a bit.

I have a lot of MHA things to do yet this week and I'm hoping to get to relax a bit on Sunday. Greg's girlfriend, Mia, may come out this weekend. I haven't seen her in a long time so it would be fun to see her.

I have an event Friday night and a party Saturday night but on Sunday I'm going to relax. I may go see the Tuna Christmas production by the local theatre guild. We'll see if I have any energy left by then. I do have to rest a bit because I'm cooking dinner for my board on Tuesday - I always enjoy having them over.

2006-12-11T20:23:00.000-08:00

Identity Theft

Well, today did not go as I had planned. My plan was to be in the office all day and push a lot of things out the door. Instead I spent the entire day dealing with identity theft. Who's? Mine.

I looked at my bank account online today and noticed an unusual charge. A series of phone calls, faxes and a visit from the police later I realized someone had used my checking account numbers to do something online. The bonus was that the police officer who came was Sarah's husband.

It is yet to be untangled, but it has sucked up my whole day. I don't think any major damage has been done, but I'm mighty pissed. Anyone who knows me well knows that the one thing I am most protective of is my time. Some little weasel has sucked down a day of my life with this foolishness - a day I'm never going to get back - and I'm not done with it yet.

I'm not really sure how you're supposed to pay for anything these days. I've had five instances in the last few months of my information being "compromised" by various agencies, making credit cards unsafe. I already have a fraud alert on my credit card.

I had to get a new debit card a few months ago because a local store was keeping people's pin numbers on file. Because I pay for many things automatically with my debit card that required hours of my time to get everything changed over to the new information.

You're not supposed to give people cash because there's no paper trail. Now I've learned that giving people checks is obviously not safe either. So, I don't know how you're supposed to pay for anything.

2006-12-10T21:50:00.000-08:00

Patsy's Christmas Tree Video

2006-12-10T20:37:00.000-08:00

Prairie Nutcracker

Greg, Mark and I went to see the Prairie Nutcracker at the Fox Theatre today. It was really good. The idea of the show was hatched right here in Hutchinson, Kansas.

It was a great way to spend part of the afternoon. We ended up sitting just a few seats from Mike and it was good to see him again.

There were lots of people there I knew - obviously it was the place to be this afternoon.

Otherwise, I have relaxed most of the day, as I generally do the day after the open house. I did do the dishes, aside from one cake plate which is still soaking.

I love it when the house is all clean - apparently not enough to keep it this way all the time, but I enjoy when it's like this for the briefest of time during the holiday season.

2006-12-10T11:37:00.000-08:00

Christmas Open House

Last night was my annual Christmas Open House. About 40 people came and it was a nice gathering. I love mixing people from different areas of my life.

My friend, Susan, came early yesterday afternoon and helped get ready. She was a God-send! It made my day go much smoother and I could be much more relaxed. She also brought me the most beautiful Christmas gift - a beautiful Czechoslavakian glass tea set. It is stunning. I will try to post some pix later. She even brought blackberry sage tea to go with it. That's what I'm having tonight to cap off the weekend.

Sondra came, and as always was delightful company. We have known each other a long time. I was noting last night that there were people here I've known the whole time I've lived in Hutchinson and also people I just met this past year.

I got to know Kris at Kansas Dialogue in August and really enjoyed her and her husband John. They are tons of fun. I was so thrilled they came last night.

There were some people missing that are always here, including Teresa who had to be out of town last night. But there were also a number of people who came for the first time last night. It was a nice mix.

I had a big crowd for awhile and then there were just a few of us left, but it all worked out perfectly.

I made a few different kinds of sweets and also had some things for those who can't eat sweets. I even made a sponge cake from scratch, with Julie in mind. She didn't come, but others enjoyed it. I sent the rest home with Jesse - his dad is diabetic so I thought maybe he would enjoy it.

Of course, Mark was a huge help as he always is. And Greg was taking photos and helping out in a variety of ways. He even took out my trash and recycling the night before. Mark did tons of things for me - from grocery shopping to carrying things to the basement and on and on and on.

I'm blessed to have great friends.

2006-12-08T17:05:00.000-08:00

Peanut Brittle

Yesterday I made Peanut Brittle for the first time. Mama didn't like peanuts so we never made peanut brittle and I have just never gotten around to making it before.

Julie makes it every year with her family and some friends, and she brought some to Creative Sisterhood the other night. I've had it before and it's just delicious. Of course, how could something who's main ingredients are sugar and liquified sugar (syrup) not be yummy?

Once I had the mixture cooking I realized that neither of the two candy thermometers I had were working properly. So, some guess work entered into the process.

My mother always made candy without a thermometer, but I ain't my Mama. I need tools to help me. Even with them sometimes I get it just right and sometimes I get it close to right.

I think I cooked my peanut brittle a little longer than Julie did because mine is a more carmelized color. But, it's tasty. And, I have to confess, I love the crunch when you twist the cookie sheet and it cracks on its own. Fun!

OK, so maybe I'm easily amused. OK, so I know I'm easily amused. But, hey, I'm happy most of the time, too... so there you go.

I'm sure this will not be my last batch of peanut brittle. I'm also thinking cashews or almonds would be good instead of peanuts. Again, what can't be improved by being encased in cooked sugar?

As I write this, I have a sponge cake in the oven. Oddly enough, I've never made a sponge cake either. Considering how much I cook it's amazing I haven't, but I haven't. There has to be a first time for everything.

I used the recipe from the nut factory:

http://www.thenutfactory.com/kitchen/dessert/peanut-brittle.html

Traditional Peanut Brittle

2 cups sugar
1 cup light corn syrup
1 cup water
2 cups raw Spanish peanuts
1/2 tsp. salt
2 Tbsp. butter
2 tsp. baking soda

Heat and stir sugar, syrup and water in a heavy 3-quart saucepan until the sugar dissolves. Add salt. Cook over medium heat to soft ball stage (234 degrees). Add peanuts at 250 degrees. Cook to hard crack stage (290 degrees), stirring often. Remove from heat.

Quickly, stir in butter and soda. Beat to a froth for a few seconds. Pour at once onto 2 well-buttered 15-1/2x10-1/2x1-inch pans, spreading with spatula. If desired, cool slightly and pull with forks to stretch thin. Break up when cold.

Yield: About 1-1/2 pounds of peanut brittle.

2006-12-08T07:08:00.000-08:00

Beautiful Morning

Well, it is warming up a bit here - it's up to 18 at the moment. I woke up about 4:15 but didn't get up until around 7. I napped and did some writing and reading. But about 7 I remembered that my trash was by the back door instead of out in the alley and it's trash day.

Why? Well, to keep people from rooting through it. There aren't any cans in it - I recycle those - but there is something incredibly fascinating about my trash to someone. I understand why celebrities hate it when people go through their trash. I hate it and it's not like someone is going to print the contents of it in one of those trashy tabloids at the check out line.

I've got a red velvet cake in the oven. I was debating heading out to the Dutch Kitchen for breakfast but decided I should cook instead. I'm on track with everything but I will need to be busy today to stay on track. I have a few cleaning things to do yet, and a tiny bit of finishing on decorating but overall things are in decent shape.

Of course, my office door will be closed. It's always a disaster. It's a wonder my fingers have not been crushed by the stuff piled on either side of the keyboard crashing down on them at some inopportune moment.

Besides, the office is my more private room downstairs - it's where I spend a lot of time and where I do a lot of my thinking, planning, organizing. I'm starting to feel more private about such areas - not sure why, but I am.

2006-12-07T03:40:00.000-08:00

Glass Coffee Tables

Well, I'm up and doing things at 4:30 a.m. I went to bed last night before midnight so of course I woke up early. I have a speech at 6:45 this morning but I'm going to get some things done around the house before then.

I have only a couple of days to finish cleaning before my party, and I haven't done any of the cooking yet. But, that's all relatively easy to do.

I am generally pretty casual about cleaning - even when I'm having people over. But for Christmas I make an effort to have the house really nice. It's exhausting. I know now why I don't do it all the time. How do people manage to keep everything pristine all the time?

If I were a person who didn't have much "stuff," I suppose it would be easier since a large amount of the time is spent de-cluttering instead of actual cleaning. But, I'm a person who has stuff and I have been all my life. As I approach my 45th birthday I just don't foresee that changing.

Yes... 45 on Dec. 23... hard to believe. Yesterday I got a "nice" lecture from an acquaintance about my penchant for younger men. It's not that I only like younger men - it's more that only younger men seem to like me. I'm not sure what that says about me, but probably something negative about my maturity level. But, lets just be positive so early in the day and say it's my vivacious nature and excitement about life that they find appealing, instead.

I just do not meet men my own age. I don't know where they are - it seems there would be lots of us - we're the tail end of the boomers - but they must all be home watching television. And it's not like I'm hunting for them, anyway. Generally, people my own age, with a few exceptions, are wrapped up in such mundane things I can't even have a meaningful conversation with them. There's too much soccer practice and too little substance.

When people talk about the idea of "shared experiences" with people my own age because we grew up at the same time, they aren't taking into account that we were in college in the eighties - post pill, pre AIDS. Cocaine was readily available and we were trying to dull the shame of the disco era. Whatever shared experiences we had we're probably not proud of - if we can recall them. Sometimes they're just a jumble of images of naked bodies and white lines on glass coffee tables. This is an opportune time for me to mention I have never owned a glass coffee table.

2006-12-06T12:54:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day

�The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.�
� H. L. Mencken

I ran across this quote today and realized just how incredibly true it is. I have witnessed it in my own life and certainly in our country's life.

2006-12-05T22:39:00.000-08:00

Creative Sisterhood

Tonight was Creative Sisterhood and it was a really good gathering, although we missed Virginia. She is sick and Martha is not feeling great either, although she did come.

We had our Christmas celebration tonight and exchanged presents. I love that, of course. Diana gave us all an antique ornament and mine was one I had admired in her store the other day. Teresa gave us each the cutest little stockings - so adorable. I had little ornaments that were frames and I put a "Creative Sisterhood 2006" bit inside each one. Julie brought homemade peanut brittle and Martha brought nuts from the Nifty Nut House.

I had made an orange cake tonight with orange glaze. I could not stop eating the peanut brittle and I also had a piece of cake so that's a lot of sugar for me. I don't often tempt fate that way with regard to the Atrial Fib. For reasons no medical person can figure out, and that makes no sense to me, when I eat a lot of sugar it brings on an A fib attack. So, I avoid eating much sugar. I've had more today than usual but I did not eat any all day long, anticipating I would have dessert tonight. Hopefully it won't be a problem, but I'll be more cautious tomorrow and not push it.

It was a good evening. And it is nice to have the Creative Sisterhood here.

And it prompted me to work on the house more. Tomorrow night I need to pretty much finish the house. I'm taking Thursday and Friday off to cook for the party, after a speech Thursday morning early.

Tomorrow I have a lot of MHA things I need to get out the door, prep work for the screening next week, and some other things. So, it will be a busy day.

2006-12-04T23:32:00.000-08:00

Christmas Shame

OK, for many years Greg and I have had this ongoing conversation - every Christmas - about how I overload the tree so much that it leans. It leans because I put more ornaments on the sides people can see.

Well, over the years Greg and I have come up with some ingenious ways to stabilize the tree. OK, truth be told, Greg has come up with them and I've pretty much just copied them.

At the moment the stand is bolted onto a 4 by 4 wooden base. I did that myself, just for the record, although it was copied after one Greg did years ago.

This year the tree has been leaning much worse because it has bent the stand - specifically the hole where the tree pole goes into it.

So, I knew what it needed was to be wired into the wall. How did I know this? Well, it's yet another technique Greg used at various times to hold the Christmas trees up.

When we lived together every Christmas was an extravaganza of engineering. Since we split up (almost a decade now, I think - wow) I made this big deal about he couldn't bitch about my trees anymore because he wasn't doing anything with them. However, guess who I called everytime I had a Christmas tree crisis. Yes, you guessed it - Greg. I swear, he is the best ex-bf a girl could have.

When I was with Nathan, he joked one time that Greg was entitled to complain about my Christmas trees forever, just because of what he had gone through in the past to stabilize them.

OK, fast forward to last night, when I'm on the phone with Greg saying, "When are you coming home?" He got stranded in Joplin due to the weather. Well, tonight he returned and stopped by to work on the tree.

The plan of attack was to drill a hole in the baseboard and screw in an eyelet. Then to take heavy guage picture wire and snake it around the pole, without disturbing the thousands of lights that are all over the place - including wrapped around the pole. Then position the tree and wire it into place.

Of course, this meant that Greg had to get behind the tree. Did I mention it's in a corner?

One of the things I've been teased about for a long time is that it's hot around the tree because of all the lights.

Needless to say, I was getting Greg cold water and anything else he wanted.

Fortunately he escaped with only some icicles attached to him. And only one ornament got broken in the process and that was my fault and not specifically related to the tree being moved around.

THANK YOU, Greg, for securing the tree into it's place. I told him he gained at least another three years of teasing me about the tree.

2006-12-03T21:55:00.000-08:00

Houston Whiteside Tour

Today was the Houston Whiteside Tour. There were four houses and one was Sharon's house. I had hoped to see her and say hello but she wasn't there.

I love old houses and going on the tour reminded me of how much I need to do in my own house. I guess that's how it always is.

Next year the MHA will have a homes tour the first Sunday of December. We alternate with them so next year will be our turn. I have three houses but am still hunting for more.

2006-12-03T21:36:00.000-08:00

Cookie Messengers

So I'm decorating a Christmas tree tonight when the doorbell rings. I assume it's Terry dropping by since he's about the only one who really believes me when I say it's OK to drop by. It's always so pleasant to see him so I was smiling when I opened the door. And good thing...

Because there were about a dozen people on my front porch - ranging from 20 somethings to kids. They hand me a plate of homemade cookies and wish me Merry Christmas. I was so flabbergasted with this pleasant surprise I didn't even question who they were or why they were cookie messengers.

There was a handwritten, photocopied note attached to the cookies saying, "Merry Christmas. We are going to change this world. Christmas is a time to celebrate the day God decided to verse the downfall of all creation. Jesus came to this world to make and show the way to be truly human nad restore creation to all its glory. May all the Earth be filled with the Glory of God because... Jesus reigns forever. P.S. Love Wins.

There's no note about a particular church or group, although it is Sunday night of course.

I love the part of the message that "We are going to change this world." There is such optimism in that. No wonder I like younger people - they're optimistic that the world can change. Most of the people my age have long ago given up on making any real change in their lives or in anyone else's.

All in all it was a pleasant surprise. And a new experience. And you know how much I love those - I try to think something new, or do something new, or learn something new every day. Keeps life fresh. Who wouldn't want life to be fresh?

2006-12-03T09:30:00.000-08:00

Checking In

Susan called last night, saying that when I hadn't written since Nov. 30 she was concerned about me. So, I thought I'd best do a quick check in.

I did write a post since then but it must have gotten lost in a computer crash or other such foolishness. It was probably just a rant about politics or something - I don't even recall - I'm sure I'm still ticked about whatever it was, though. I'll get back to it as soon as I recall...

I've been busy decorating and tidying the house. Frankly, if I kept my house in more order all the time it wouldn't take me very long to get ready for things. But, I don't. I'm just not a tidy person when it comes to housekeeping. I am a "lived in" person so things are always "casual" at my house. But, once a year, for Christmas, I try to make it more organized. It will, unfortunately, be out the window again in no time. Thank goodness I have an upstairs where I can take things I haven't yet organized. Of course, it needs some major work up there - but that's more than just tidying. After the holidays perhaps I can get to some of that.

I have really neglected my online life the last few months. It seems real life is overflowing in so many directions I can't get it all reined in and kept that way for any amount of time.

This past week I was thinking I was on-track with a lot of projects and was going to get it all under control this weekend when I got a new project on Thursday evening. But, it's a graphic design job that results in me saving a few hundred dollars in the coming months, and making it possible for me to travel more, so I'll just have to work it in. And it's actually a fun job - I just don't have time to think about it and make it as creative as I'd like.

I had planned to get so much Christmas stuff done this weekend and I have done a lot. But I spent a large part of Saturday with "life stuff" - grocery shopping and other "hunting and gathering" necessary for life.

But, I'm just thankful I can afford to grocery shop and that I live where goods are plentiful. As I was shopping this morning, overhearing a man be downright rude to his wife - telling her what she could and couldn't buy in a quite terse tone, topping it off with how stupid she was - I reminded myself that I'm blessed to make my own way in the world and not have to deal with that sort of behavior out of anyone.

Rarely do I see couples shopping when it seems harmonious. I'm always reminded of it being a hallmark of spousal abuse when the husband won't leave his wife alone for even a few minutes. I'm sure it's not always the case, but I'm sure it is sometimes too.

I never know what is appropriate for me to say or do in such a circumstance. This is not a child, but a full grown woman, capable of making her own choices. But this morning I just used the technique suggested in cases where children are being verbally abused and said to the man, "excuse me, would you hand me one of those cartons of sour cream?" It seemed to distract him enough he got off her back for a moment. Who knows if it makes any long term difference, but it at least diffuses the situation for the moment. I didn't really need sour cream, but I'll just find a way to use it.

I'll be baking a lot in the coming week. My annual open house is next Saturday, the 9th. I still have decorating to do and some cleaning to do and on and on and on. But, I will just do what I have time and energy for and let the rest go. And on Saturday, at 5 p.m. I will retire to a bubble bath and leave whatever is not done undone. I refuse to be caught up in trying to make things "perfect." It's simply not possible. So, 90 minutes before the party begins, I will soak and relax and get ready so I can enjoy my own party.

I have about a dozen more cards to send - ones that have been returned or that I just got addresses for. I must get that done this weekend so they arrive in a timely enough manner. I always hope that everyone's card/invite arrives in time and I don't leave anyone out because I'm not thinking it through as much as I'd like. I used to have to limit my guest list because of space but now I can invite more because I have a bigger house. So, that's nice. If you're someone I like enough to send a Christmas card to, you're someone I'd invite to my house - it's so much easier! Of course, it's a busy time of year and so it ends up being a relatively small gathering. But, that's nice, too - it's cozy and comfy.

We were lucky here in Hutchinson and got only a tiny bit of snow, whereas less than an hour away from us parts of the state have been declared disaster areas. I am thankful. I just wasn't ready for a major winter storm quite yet. Maybe in January, after I get back from Kentucky, and after my conference in Texas, then I'll be ready. I'll enjoy a few days of holing up in the house and drinking hot cider and watching the snow. I just wasn't ready yet. Of course, we don't get any say about the weather - it just is.

I have more Christmas shopping yet to do this year than usual. Generally I'm all done by Thanksgiving but I just haven't found those special things this year yet. Of course, I haven't been into my stash to see what I have that I may have forgotten about. I need to keep an ongoing list in my PDA so I always have it with me and can reference it on trips and such.

Well, I must get back to one of my many tasks at hand. Needless to say, there is much to do in my world, as I guess there is in everyone's this time of year. However, today I am taking time to go to the Houston Whiteside Homes Tour. I always enjoy it and it only happens every two years so I don't want to miss it.

No doubt I'll come home feeling bad about the progress I've made in my own house in the past 4 1/2 years. A friend suggested the other day that when I get into another serious relationship, finding a man who's a contractor - a really, realy, really good contractor - would be wise. Unfortunately, as I pointed out to her, a good contractor wouldn't have time to be working on my house - he'd be busy with other people's houses. So, there you go. One of life's many conundrums.

2006-11-30T23:36:00.000-08:00

End of November

On this last day of November I've been in constant motion. I have pushed a ton of projects out the door, but still have a bunch to do. I really want to work more on my house but it seems I can't find time to do that. This weekend I'm devoting myself to that, although I am going to attend the Houston Whiteside Homes Tour on Sunday.

I had lunch with Leah today. It was good to see her. I just don't get to see her enough. It has been many months since I've had lunch with her.

Tonight I went to dinner with Sondra and as I was leaving to go pick her up I walked out to catch the tail end of a beautiful sunset. I was sorry I hadn't gone out a tiny bit earlier, but was glad I caught the last minute or two of it.

Tonight I have finished the DSB for Altrusa District Eight and have worked a little on the house. Of course, in the midst of bringing Christmas things up from the basement I decided to stop and change the furnace filters. It was the beginning of a bit of an ADD extravaganza, which resulted in my doing a variety of tasks.

I'm trying to convince myself to go take the trash out to the alley but it's 16 degrees with a wind chill of 5 and it just doesn't sound appealing to go outside at all. Besides, my dumpster is already full. I'll just let them empty it tomorrow and refill it during the daylight hours - that sounds like a better plan.

Besides, if I wait I can bring the dumpster up to the house where it's less likely to have people rooting around in it. I don't know what people find so appealing about my trash, but they can't seem to leave it alone. Which, as I've covered before, I find incredibly creepy. Honest to goodness, it's just trash - there is nothing exciting in it.

I hadn't gotten around to sharing this photo I took the day after Thanksgiving of Greg and his mom. We went to eat at the Gateway Creamery in Joplin, which is a cool place. It was the first time Greg and I had been there.

Anyway, they had this cool game table which we all played with. I really, really sucked at it. Greg sucked at it. Miss Joy wasn't bad at it.

2006-11-30T12:48:00.000-08:00

Kiva Loan

This is my latest Kiva loan. I love this. It's something that can make real, sustainable change in the world.

After I posted the one a few days ago, I had email from some readers who got enthused and decided to do this themselves. Please join in if you're so moved! It's a cool deal!

2006-11-29T23:29:00.000-08:00

Iraq Panel

The news is breaking now that the Iraq Panel has recommended withdrawal of troops. Well, duh. There's some good thinking. They apparently are not offering a time table. Here's one - yesterday. It can't happen soon enough.

We've created civil war in yet another place in the world. We're unable to control it. The "officials" there are unable to control it. You know who could control it? Saddam Hussein.

He was the guy who controlled it. Admittedly, his methods were not the greatest, but it's not like what we've created is good either. We've managed to kill more people faster - like that's better somehow.

It's a country with three factions and all any of them can agree on is that they hate the other two. Well, I guess they can all agree they hate us. And why wouldn't they?

We have created a whole new set of young men and women with life altering injuries, missing limbs, more mental health problems than we can even imagine at this point, and who knows what else. And what have we accomplished? We've removed the man who kept a lid on the warring factions, so they can be at war with each other, and with us, and soon with others in the region if we don't get out so things can calm down.

Meanwhile the "war on terror" that should be happening in Afghanistan is at a standstill. Isn't that what we were supposedly doing - fighting a war on terror - where the terrorist is? I think that's what congress agreed to do - after being lied to about weapons of mass destruction - fight a war on terror - against terrorists. I mean Bin Laden, just in case you've forgotten since it has been so long since "Mission Accomplished."

We've now been fighting in Iraq longer than we fought in WWII. Unfortunately, it bears a lot more resemblance to the war in Vietnam.

So, here's the Patsy Prediction.

1. We're leaving Iraq. Oh, we're going to maintain a presence in the area, but we're going to tuck tail and run now that we've made this mess. The American people have finally gotten tired of spending billions of dollars a week, and seeing 19 year olds come home without legs. We're slow, but eventually we do catch on. Obviously, our schools need to teach better critical thinking skills so we're not so damned slow on the uptake. But, people finally got it and voted in democrats to get us the hell out of Iraq. And, frankly, getting out is the best thing we can do - we are not wanted, welcome or wise there.

2. As soon as we get out of the way Muqtada al-Sadr is going to become the new Saddam Hussein. He's essentially leading the country already. We just need to get out of the way and allow the sectarian war that has been expected for years to happen. It's happening now with us in the middle of it, making it worse.

3. He will keep control the exact same way Saddam did because it's the only way control can be kept in this kind of circumstance.

Al-Sadr hates Americans more than Hussein did. And just in case there was anyone in the whole country who didn't already hate us, we've made sure to take care of that by invading Iraq and ruining their country, creating a situation where 3,700 Iraqi civilians have died just this month.

I've mentioned it before - but it bears repeating - the only kind of war that has any long lasting effect is true civil war. Not war we start - can you say "Sandinista" - but true civil war. All we do when we start a civil war - can you say "Iraq" - is prolong the inevitable.

Just go back to all news stories and cross out "Saddam Hussein" and write in "Muqtada al-Sadr."

Same song, different verse. ...and the chorus swells... fade to black... and we're out.

2006-11-28T22:39:00.000-08:00

Misc.

Tonight was Chicks and it was great as always. My topic of the evening was leadership. It's something I would recommend to anyone, but I do want the next level of class. I think that's something that will be coming down the pike eventually.

I have spent the day trying to juggle dozens of different things. That seems to be my life in a nutshell these days. But I'm thankful to have a job I enjoy and the health to lead a full life.

For those of you who have emailed regarding the post about Michael Richards, I appreciate your thoughts, but I stand by my post. There are things you cut people a lot of slack for and there are things you hold their feet to the fire for. I contend this falls into the latter category.

2006-11-28T22:16:00.000-08:00

Big Idea Person in a Small Project World

I was reminded again today that I am a "Big Idea Person" in a "Small Project World."

People always say they want big ideas, and they enjoy discussing them, but no one really wants to take them on. Big ideas require a lot of work. Big work.

Instead people want to implement small projects. They can accomplish them in a short amount of time, with little money or commitment, and then move on - feeling like they've done something important.

Somehow those big ideas get pushed aside so small projects can be implemented. Unfortunately, big ideas don't come to fruition through small projects, unless people can look at the big picture and do a lot of small projects. But that never seems possible.

Small projects just result in accomplishing small things. Ah... such is life.

2006-11-27T21:41:00.000-08:00

The Day

I have spent the day moving from one project to another, without a moment's down time. And, yet, unfortunately, few projects are completed. I did take time for dinner with Julie tonight after a meeting.

I had planned to continue decorating when I got home but I worked on cards instead. I have four Christmas letters left. I think I will just not send letters with any other cards I send. I don't want to have to make more. Maybe I'll call office max and see if they still have it in their system - if so maybe I'll get more. If I have to resend the whole thing it's not worth it.

I suppose it's quite presumptuous of me to think anyone will want to read my Christmas letter anyway, so it doesn't matter. I think everything in it of any consequence is on the blog anyway.

Tomorrow I'm going to do some running around town.It's supposed to be a nice day, and it may be the last one for awhile. So, I'm going to make use of it. I have a long list of MHA things to take care of and some of them require some running around. I'll enjoy them much more if it's 70 than I will if it's 30.

I am going to head upstairs to bed - it's rare for me to do that before midnight but I got up very early today and haven't slept well lately.

Sleep and I never seem to be on the best of terms. I never, ever, get it when people talk about wanting to sleep - it's a bit of torture for me every day/night. And napping - oh my - why would I want to do it more than I already have to?

If I can just squeeze in about 6 hours a night that's plenty. I'm guessing I may actually sleep about 4 of those hours, and about 90 minutes of that is deep, restful sleep. I'm awake 4 hours after going to sleep and will go back to sleep for another two hours - waking often, but resting some. Then for another hour or two after I wake up I try to write or read so I'm at least getting rest even if I can't sleep.

2006-11-27T11:41:00.000-08:00

Racist Talk

I have refrained from commenting here about Michael Richards' racial outburst. However, as of today, I am done refraining. He keeps apologizing so there's no reason for me to not enter into the conversation.

OK, here's the deal, I honestly didn't know there were people walking around using the n-word in their heads - and probably to their friends - to describe people. Oh, I know some who use it outloud - I'm from the south - but I didn't realize there were people walking around thinking it but not saying it.

Frankly, I'm even more disturbed by that. At least when someone is blunt I know where they stand. Now I'm wondering who else is walking around with these thoughts in their heads, but I don't know it because their speech doesn't betray their true feelings. And that is ultimitely the issue - their true feelings.

I realize how naive I am. I thought we were so far beyond this. Like decades beyond it. Surprise. I hate ugly surprises.

I have been very pissed at people before. But I can't imagine a time when the n-word would have been a way I would have chosen to express that anger. Am I less angry? No. But that word just doesn't exist in my vocabulary as a way to describe people so it wouldn't come up. Am I holier than thou? No. Absolutely not. I might use a string of other offensive terminology, but there are lines that are not to be crossed and that is one of them.

Things like referring to people as "niggers" and saying the "Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world" are just not things that are part of what's going on in my brain so they're not going to pop out, even in moments of anger.

And, therein, lies the problem. If those things are coming out of your mouth, they're in your brain somewhere - in your consciousness enough that you can say them without having to think too hard about them. They're in your possible list of insults, just waiting to be pressed into service. And it's hard to believe this is the first time you've ever used them.

Mel Gibson and Michael Richards are just two examples of people who are obviously walking around with feelings we didn't know about. I was happier not knowing.

I won't ever look at "Kramer" the same way. I'm sure Richards' costars really appeciate him choosing to do this just as the Seinfeld DVDs came out for the holidays.

He says he has some anger issues and that he doesn't know where this came from. Well, none of us do. Can anger cause you to hurl insults you're not using - at least occasionally - in your every day private life? Can anger cause you to make statements you don't "feel" at some level of your core being? I don't know. I'm doubtful. But that's a question for the psychologists. He is seeing one now, he says.

I'm guessing Richards will head off to rehab for something soon. It's the answer for any inappropriate behavior from public figures - from sending sexual emails to young men to blaming the Jews for all wars.

Unfortunately, once those words are "out there" they can't be taken back. It's why I have a framed postcard by my door that says, "Les mots qu'on n'a pas dits sont les fleurs du silence." Roughly translated it means, "The words not spoken are the flowers of silence." It's just a nice way to remind myself as I walk out the door every morning to try to keep my mouth shut. I'm more successful some days than others, but at least I don't have things like that rattling around in my brain to keep under control.

2006-11-26T17:44:00.000-08:00

Kiva

Sometimes you learn about an idea and you just know it's a big idea. That's what kiva.org is - a big idea.

You can change someone's life with a $25 loan. You'll even get paid back.

Kiva.org works with non-governmental organizations (non profits) in various places around the world. Local entrepreneurs apply for loans and it's then posted on the website. You can pick who you want to support in what areas of the world and by what they're doing.

I chose to lend to a woman in Togo for money for a beauty salon - her profile will be in the box above until her project is completely funded, then another one will appear. You can read more her or any of the others by going to kiva.org yourself.

You get paid back over the next few months, without interest. It's an ingenious idea that allows the average person to invest $25 or more, and make a real difference.

I support Heifer International for the same reason - it's doing something that will have long term effect.

Go take a look at Kiva and find something you'd like to loan to. It feels good.

2006-11-25T20:49:00.000-08:00

The Tree

I put more decorations on the tree - actually, that's what I've been doing for the last two and a half hours. I kept thinking I was done, but then I would see a bare spot. When I decided I was really done I went to the basement to take some ornament boxes and discovered an unopened ornament box.

Of course I had to bring it up and go through it. Last year I didn't use all my ornaments and missed some of my favorites. I knew there were two boxes I didn't open last year. Well, this was one of them and I got to rediscover some of my cherished ornaments.

In that box were two glass balls that Mia beaded around that I like to have near the top of the tree. Also, a little teapot ornament that a former board member gave me one year. It also had the ornament I bought at Monticello and a glass star I got at Kate's Paperterie in NYC.

It also had a painted ceramic bell my friend Leah's son, Zach, did when he was about five. He's almost 15 now. Another gift from a friend's child, David Naylor's daughter, Ariana, gave me a dough star with glitter on it when she was little. Well, actually, it was really her mom, Kristin, who gave it to me but I have treasured it all these years. That was probably 12 years ago.

I didn't look at the tag on it, but I do try to tag things with the date and names so I don't have to guess how long it has been. If people give me an ornament and it has a name tag on the gift I try to just save the tag. But, I also just buy little tags that I add to the ones I can't write on.

Decorating the tree is always such a memory-rich experience for me. There are ornaments people have given me, and things I've picked up on trips. There are things people have made, and things they selected specifically for me. I love them all.

I cannot imagine not wanting to have a Christmas tree. It will be a sign to me that I'm getting old if I ever don't want to put up a tree. It's always an indication to me that someone has entered another phase of life when they choose not to decorate. It's something I associate with elderly people, although I know many older people who still decorate trees. My mom did every year.

Of course, sometimes you have to scale back for one reason or another. When I was house-hunting I didn't decorate extensively because I realized I could be moving at any time.

But it's one of the things I love to have - a beautiful, sparkling, bright, cheery Christmas tree. Mine is ready for the icicles and then it will be done. I will try to post some pix soon.

2006-11-25T18:03:00.000-08:00

Congratulations Salt Hawks

OK, I'm so not a sports person, despite the fact that the UK Wildcats played a large part in my choice of a university. However, the local High School Football team just won its third state championship in a row. That's impressive, even if you're not a sports fan. So... Congratulations Hutchinson Salt Hawks.

I can't tell you a darned thing about the season - I've been barely aware of it - but even I know a state championship is very cool - much less three in a row. What a treat for the guys who have gotten to play in all three of those games.